By Robyn Welling
From the time they're old enough to proudly call themselves a "big kid," children can't wait to be all grown up. That's why we play "store" and "house" and dress-up as young kids. It's why we claim we can't wait to move out and get a place of our own during our teen years. It's why we act like we know EVERYTHING, starting at about age 13 when we actually know nothing, until about age 28 — when we still don't know anything, but at least we realize what idiots we are.
If you have an older kid strutting around the house acting all like, You can't tell me what to do, I'm practically an ADULT! here are a few signs that, whether they feel like they're all grown up or not, they're so, so not all grown up.
23 SIGNS YOUR OLDER CHILD ISN'T QUITE ALL GROWN UP YET
They rely on you to unclog the toilet.
You still pay their cell phone bill.
You have to remind them to change their underwear.
Which you know they haven't been changing because you still do their laundry.
They've never experienced the joy of comparing auto insurance quotes.
They keep their money in a piggy bank.
You schedule all their doctor appointments.
They ask you to scratch their back at bedtime.
Um, they have a bedtime.
You're their alarm clock.
They brush their teeth daily, but only because you tell them to.
There's never anything practical on their Christmas list.
They assume "401k" is the name of some boy band.
Their description of adulthood often involves ordering pizza as often as they want.
They need a ride to the mall.
Or they drove themselves to the mall... in the car they borrowed from you.
And they still actually enjoy driving, because the fun hasn't been sucked out of it yet by being everyone's on-call chauffeur for 20+ years NOT THAT WE'RE SICK OF IT OR ANYTHING.
You can still fit the right number of candles on their birthday cake.
They've never voluntarily eaten a cereal with the word "bran" in the name.
They'll sit there and sniffle until you tell them to go blow their nose, like Kleenex is a new invention they keep forgetting about.
You can remember the last time you blew on their food to cool it off.
They mow the grass for money — unlike adults who do it, you know, because the grass is long.
They still want to be an adult. Actual adults already know it's way overrated.
Robyn Welling is a freelance writer and humorist at Hollow Tree Ventures, where she isn't afraid to embarrass herself—and frequently does. She's Associate Editor at Scary Mommy, and a freelance writer, editor and graphic designer for sites like NickMom, Mommy Shorts, 22 Words and The Huffington Post. She loves sarcasm, wine, beer, other bottled items, long walks on the beach, and her husband. Oh, and her five kids are okay, too. Her goals include becoming independently wealthy, followed by world domination and getting her children to clean their rooms. Until then, she'll just fold laundry and write about the shortcuts she takes on her journey to becoming a somewhat passable wife, mother, and human being; if history is any guide, she'll miss the mark entirely. You can find her avoiding responsibility on Facebook, Twitter,Instagram and Pinterest.