Keep Kids Busy Without Screens

By Yaina Cantrell, guest writer

School is out for winter break.

You should be hearing the pitter patter of little feet, but… silence.

Where are the kids?  Just follow the annoying sound effects and high-pitched cartoonish melodies of video games echoing through the house.  They’re either stretched out on the couch glued to the TV playing video games or developing hunchbacks by leaning over their cell phones and tablets cruising social media, right?

You ask yourself, how can I lure the little munchkins away from their screens?

Well, I’ve got you covered!

Prepare to ignore the whining objections like “Awww, why do we have to do it now?” and “But I’m on level 6!” and get busy making fun happen!

Here’s a tip:  Invite the friends that they play online games with, so they don’t feel like they’re missing anything.  Not to mention, their parents will adore you for giving them a break. And be sure to ask them to return the favor with a play date at their house next time.

15 Fun Screen-Free Activities For Kids

1. Time to dust off those board games!  Check out some top rated games for families on Amazon, including Say Anything and The Awkward Family Photos Movie Line Game.  My niece and nephews forget all about their video games and social media when we play their favorite games like Jumanji, Mousetrap, and Family Feud.

2. Go camping!  Pitch a tent in the living room in front of the fireplace or (weather permitting) out in the backyard.  Toast marshmallows to make s’mores, sing campfire songs, and tell spooky ghost stories all night long! You can find reasonably priced indoor/outdoor tents on Amazon.

3. Go on a scavenger hunt!  Make it holiday themed by including items like a Christmas stocking, tree ornaments, and a snow globe. Offer prizes along the way such as candy, toys, free passes from chores, or a chance to open one Christmas gift.  Find free printable colorful maps and lists of items online.

4. Recreate MasterChef Junior!  Head to the kitchen and pass out the aprons!  Demonstrate a simple dish and recipe for your tiny master chefs to create within an hour.  Or have them decorate cupcakes. Then, judge which one is the best, awarding 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. prizes for everyone.  Keep it simple with pre-made cookie dough, brownie mix, sandwiches, mini pizzas, mac & cheese, or tacos.  (Worried about too many sweets or junk food? Secretly add pureed spinach to brownie mix and pureed cauliflower to mac & cheese.  Don’t worry, they won’t be able to taste it. You could even award a bonus prize to the kid who can guess which veggie was added to the recipe.  Hint: wait until after they eat it.)

5. Do people still make ice cream from snow?  Well, they should! If snow is in the forecast, set out a clean bucket to collect fresh snow.  All you need to add is vanilla and condensed milk!

6. Make holiday arts and crafts.  The kids will love making their own wreaths to hang on their bedroom door.  They can also make Christmas tree ornaments. These make lovely mementos to keep throughout the years.  Bring out the markers and glitter to make holiday greeting cards too!

7. Strike a pose for a fun photo shoot!  Use your imagination to come up with goofy costumes and props to create photos.  Frame the best ones or stick them on greeting cards and tree ornaments.

8. Time to make memories!  Break out the video camera and your director’s chair!  Film a montage of the kids acting out their favorite movie scenes from classics like Home Alone or A Christmas Story or create your own short play.  They could also make a music video singing holiday songs.

9. Science!  Pick up a chemistry set or put together a homemade experiment.

10. Build a box fort!  Kids go wild for boxes!  Grab the biggest boxes you can find, and I promise you, this will provide hours of fun for the little ones.  The older kids can play the invading monsters or sword-wielding giants!

11. Need to get out of the house?  Plan a trip to your local children’s museum or zoo.  They’re sure to have special exhibits and events for the holidays.  You could also give back by donating old toys to a toy drive or by volunteering at your nearest family homeless shelter.

12. Zumba!  Try to keep up with these kids!  Lay out those yoga mats and have fun exercising together!

13. Make jewelry!  Bejeweled trinkets make great gifts for the kids to give to family and friends.

14. Sing! Grab a mike and sing Karaoke style.

15. Nap time!  Just kidding! Or am I?

I hope I have provided some inspiration to help you create a fun winter break for you and the kids in your life.  Let us know how it’s going! Please feel free to share your ideas and photos. We’d love to see you in action!

Baby list, do doo, do doo, do do

Camille here, Anna’s Assistant. I have compiled a few of my favorite baby toys and new Mama and Dad gifts! Hope you find something perfect for your little one! This list may contain affiliate links.

New bath toys are the best!

And a Caddy for the said bath toys and cozy towels!

We have the cutest videos of our Daughter trying out her walker for the first time. This will always be a great go to baby gift!

More of a Mom to be gift but these Heart and Oxygen Monitors are genius.

Never met a baby that doesn’t love Sophie the Giraffe.

Let them hit the things you want them to! Classic Pound and Tap toy.

What kid doesn’t want their own personal roller coaster. They look pretty fun!

Rattles are never ever going to go out of style!

I may have just added this one to relive my own childhood playing the Chatter Phone.

This Cookie Monster was dubbed the FAVORITE from my son’s first birthday! It eats cookies, talks, and it just dang cute.

Anything with the word busy, I’m sold. Busy Gears.

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom will there be enough room? A told B and B told C…Ok you get it, this one is so good I know the whole thing by heart or this modern First Year book!

Jelly Cat stuffed animals are the softest things ever. Just trust me, these are the only stuffed animals you want hanging around.

You're a Dancer, Harry.

This video of a high school homecoming assembly is enough to get me to pack up our home and move… so my kids can go to this high school. HA!

But seriously, this is so fun and LONG and I am impressed.

Do your kids dance? Band? Climb? Play sports? Instrument? Read Harry Potter??

I Don't Want My Kids to be Happy

If you ask most parents what they want most for their kids when they grow up, you will probably hear something like,
“I want my child to...

• get into a good college.”
• have a job that pays well and fulfills them.”
• get married.”
• have a family.”
• be a good member of society.”
• live close to me.”
• move out of the house.”

And ultimately, you will hear that parents want all of these things for their offspring when they are fully grown because, “I just want my child to be happy.”

I get it. Oh boy, do I get it.

You hold this tiny infant in your hands and they NEED you for everything.
For food.
For changing their diapers.
For warmth.
For burping.
For peek-a-boo marathons.

Then this baby grows into a toddler who NEEDS you for many of the same things, but also to learn how to walk, speak, sleep, play, apologize, laugh, and listen.

You know the rest. Your kid grows up and their NEED for you lessens for the physical stuff, but their NEED for the emotional stuff increases.
In understanding.
In patience.
In listening.
In refraining from screaming as you sit in the passenger seat when they are learning how to drive.

This once baby is turning into a real-life human adult and BOY HOWDY, you sure wish you did everything you could to prepare them for the “real world.” You pray that they won’t get mixed up in all of the crappy things that ruin lives. You hope they STAY AWAY from drugs.
From negative people.
From addictive substances.
From dating jerks.
From internet predators.
From vaping.
From using too much Axe body spray.

You just want them to have happy lives. You want these humans you have raised to take all that energy, time, money you have spent with them and turn it into something great. You want them to be happy.

What makes a human happy, though?

Are people who went to amazing universities and got killer jobs with the spouse and three kids the only happy ones on earth?

I don’t think so.

Because, if so, that sucks.

I know enough people to know that those things do not make one happy. That there are happy people who have all or some of those things and there are miserable people who have all of those things. I am sure that you, too, may know someone who has NONE of those things and is one of the kindest, happiest of humans you have met.

Back to my four kids. Yes, I have FOUR!

In some circles and societies, that is a crap-ton of little humans to raise. And in other circles, it’s a quaint little number. “Ahh, how cute that you only have four kids. I remember when my first ten kids were all married with at least three kids of their own and I had four children at home left to raise.”

Regardless, I look at all four of my kids and think, “Well, what can we do? How can I help you become the best version of ADULT YOU as possible?”

Here’s what I DO know after only sixteen years of this parenting gig:

Happy is not a thing.

Happiness is a byproduct and result of other things.
Of actions.
Of choices.
Of decisions.

If I want my kids to be happy, then they need MORE than a few random items that MY experiences have helped make me happy.

I went to college. It was great. I have gotten some good jobs and some bad jobs. I married a really rad man who luckily is more my best friend now than he was almost 19 years ago. I have four kids who are pretty freakin’ awesome.

Is that why I am happy? If my kids have the same things I have, will they then share my level of happiness?

Nah.

I don’t buy it.

I want my kids to become the greatest humans they can be. And not college nor jobs nor family can make them “happy.”

(So… what can? Get to the point, already, Anna)

There are FOUR things I want for my kids when they become adults to know, be, and do. They are, in no particular order:

1. Know how to work hard.

2. Be kind. To everyone.

3. Love and take care of their body.

4. Believe in something greater than them.

That’s it. Granted each one is a pretty big ask and hope in itself.

For example, if I teach my kids to work, they will expect to add to society and not be a taker. There is nothing less attractive than entitlement and laziness. If my kids can WORK, then they will know that if they apply themselves, they will be able to provide.

If they are kind, they will treat everyone with respect. They will not post photos of strangers on “People of Walmart” or laugh at someone who is mentally ill. They will give people the benefit of the doubt and not bully or demean others who are different (or better or worse or equal). Kind people know that when they serve others, that everyone wins/everyone feels happiness. Kindness is a practice and a habit.

I could go on and on (even more than I already have). Someday I may expound on the details of each of the four things I hope to help my children learn.

So I guess I do want them to be happy. Of course, I do. But I don’t wish any prescribed future for my kids. I have NO idea what life has in store for them. I do know that if I help prepare them with tools they can control, that there will be happiness.

And I hope they live close to me. That would definitely add to my happiness.

Holiday Gift List 2016, for the kids

I am so excited about the kids' Holiday Gift List. I want every one of these items to be under our Christmas tree for me... I mean, for the kids. For the family, whatever.

I didn't get any of my kids a hover board last year, mostly because I didn't want my kids running into walls throughout my house. Then I saw the conversion kit that turns your hover board into a GO-KART! Coolest. Gift. of the year! HoverLikeAKing sells the conversion kit AND the hover board with the kit, if you are like me and didn't get one last year. My kids are going to freak out. Especially when I beat them in races! (By the way, there are similar conversion kits out there, but this is the best deal I have ever seen. Go NOW before they sell out or the price goes up.)

The main reason I bought the home we are in is for the giant tree in the backyard. It even came with a crummy old tire swing, too. This year I am replacing it with the raddest swing I have ever seen: The Swurfer! A swing you can stand on and not have everyone yelling at you to sit on your pockets. Oh, was that just me? The Swurfer can be used by kids and adults, sitting or standing. It is shaped to get speed and height in any direction and has long enough rope for giant trees, if you have one. Swurfs up!

If you have sons, you know how difficult it is to find cool clothes that fit well for them. Rowen Christian offers fashion-forward denim for boys and a portion of every sale goes to charities to help children in need. Fashion with a purpose is always something I love to support--AND my boys can have great-fitting clothes, too! Hallelujah! Check out these awesome denim joggers from Rowen Christian.

We have a couple of rules about using electronic devices in our house, but one that I stick to the most is "turn it down or turn it off" for the device volume. I don't want to hear my kids' music or game soundtrack while we all hang out in the family room. Regular headphones make me uncomfortable because of the damage they can do to my kids' hearing health. Enter: Puro Balanced Response bluetooth headphones. These headphones have the most advanced noise-limiting solution on the market and are the best-sounding kids headphones available. Heavenly Peace.

Speaking of hanging out, I want a mountain full of these Rock Pillows to lounge on with the kids. When we saw the original Rock Pillows at a market a couple of weeks ago, all four of my kids made a beeline for the pillows that look like rocks. They tossed them, sat on them, threw them around, and couldn't stop talking about them the next few days. And they look cool, too! Boulder Fight!

And since we are talking about lounging, I am always looking for cool new pajamas that I wouldn't mind my kids wearing to pajama day at school. Our family elf always brings the kids a new pair of pajamas on Christmas Eve with a note of "good luck" for Santa's upcoming delivery. I would not mind at all if he brought us all LazyOne pajamas. They are cute, fun, and so soft. Plus, we can all match!

You know what I miss the most? My daughter wanting to play with dolls. Isn't that funny how we can miss something that used to feel like a never-ending search for the favorite doll so she can go to sleep? These gorgeous dolls from LatterDayHome are so sweet that my daughter might be getting a new one this year, anyway. Perfect for the little girl or the girl you wish were little. Maybe even the perfect doll for me, too.

What better way to remember when they were little (which might be right now for you) than with a photo book? I have never been a scrap booker, and the old photo books often took me hours to put together. Then I discovered chatbooks! If you haven't heard about them, you are in for a real treat. If you've heard about them, but never ordered a chatbook for yourself, you have to try it. They print and are delivered so fast, you'll be reliving memories with your kids before you know it. My kids can sit and look at these books for hours. They love remembering when they were little(r) as much as you do. Use the code Merry20 for 20% off your order this week!

You know what makes me smile more than almost anything? Seeing someone wearing a funny or clever shirt. It's one of the quickest ways to my funny bone, for whatever reason. StatelyType has some of the most clever and cool shirts I have ever seen. And they are super soft, too, which is a huge bonus. Whenever I wear one of my StatelyType t-shirts or sweatshirt, I get loads of compliments. My kids are all asking for the Mas Tacos shirt and I might see who is best behaved this season to get one. ;)

That's all for the Kids' List this year. There were SO many awesome gifts for kids this year and I love that this list has small businesses and brands who are hustling to be in your home. Check them out and let me know if you have other suggestions for kids!

AnnaM

Social Media Accounts for Kids. Are they ready?

“But MOOOOM, I will follow you! If you let me have an Instagram account, it will give you another follower.”

Hold on while I finish laughing.

This is one of the many reasons my 12 year-old has given me to convince me to let him have an Instagram account. Others included the old-favorite “everyone else has one” and “I can show the world my creativity.” Oddly, these didn’t convince me to go against Instagram’s Terms and Conditions that says very plainly that “You must be at least 13 years old to use the Service.”

This protects Instagram, but they are also following the guidelines set in the COPPA (Children's Online Privacy Protection Act), which prevents companies from collecting certain information from children under the age of 13.

In our home, my husband and I have decided to not give our children social media accounts until AFTER they are 13 years old. But that’s not the only guideline we have. We have a social media readiness list, of sorts, as well. Working in social media day in and day out has given me a special insight that I didn’t have four years ago when we let our then 11-year-old daughter get an Instagram account. As my son would say, “It’s so not fair.”

It’s not fair, I know. The way I see it, what isn’t fair is giving kids a loaded gun and hoping they don’t figure out how it can kill them. Sound harsh? For sure, it does. Any metaphor with “a loaded gun” is used for dramatic emphasis and this is no exception, except I need to somehow also make guns sound fun for adults even though I don’t have a gun and never want to own one and now I am just going on and on about guns, which has derailed my point completely.

We told my son that he had to prove that he was mature enough to start using a social media account. We also pointed out that throwing a fit and asking in front of friends in a flippant manner was, in fact, not a sign of maturity. Mind boggling, I know.

He also knows that he won’t necessarily get all or any account on his 13th birthday. That is just one prerequisite for social readiness. Here are some questions we have and items we discuss to gauge the maturity and readiness of our children:

Do you understand that anything you post or share is no longer yours once you do so?

This is my beef with Snapchat. If I could rule the world, I would make it so that parents can view all DMs sent on their child’s Snapchat account for 24 hours. Kids think that because their messages “disappear” after received that they can share things they wouldn’t otherwise feel comfortable sharing. But, I can name five people I know that had their private DMs on Snapchat “captured” when someone took a photo and saved the message. I have had many messages captured and I quickly realized that whatever I have written can be owned by someone else.

You might think that it is a private message, or only those few who follow your private account will be able to see the things you post, but once you put it out online, you have lost ownership. Anyone can screenshot, share, copy, and use your posts. That doesn’t put them in the right, but it is something kids need to realize can and will happen.

We do not post things that are inappropriate.
Would you feel comfortable if your grandparents saw it?

I have noticed a large trend in teens and preteens using adult jokes in their posting. I get it; they want to seem mature and “hip” (and by writing that very word, I have proved how “hip” I actually am. Oy!). On April 20, my daughter made a joke about 420 (a slang for marijuana) on one of her accounts. As soon as I saw it, I bombarded her with messages that said things like, “Uh no.” “This is not appropriate.” “We do not joke about this in our home.” “Take it down.”

Kids are trying to find their voice and their unique personality. Often they do this by mimicking popular comedians, personalities, and other social accounts. My favorite question to my kids is, “Would you feel comfortable if your grandparents saw this?” I usually point out a different grandparent, aunt, or uncle, and remind them that if their post would make them uncomfortable, then they shouldn’t post it. Sometimes it’s hard for kids to understand the hypothetical of future employers, but they can imagine what their grandparents would think.

Don’t use the search field. Don’t go exploring hashtags, either.

This one is the loaded gun. Do we even tempt our kids by informing them of how much trash is in the search and hashtag explorations? This is the #1 reason I don’t want my kids on social media until they are ready. We don’t take our kids to certain movies, we restrict television channels and shows, we put software on our computers to protect them, and then hand them a social media account that has a million worse things easily accessed in seconds.

My husband and I realize that raising our kids means preparing them to be kind, capable adults. Part of this raising is teaching them how to manage the excess that is presented to them. We have sugar in our home, because we want them to learn that knowing how to having a little is far more preferable than if they gorged on candy at a friend’s house. Same goes for social media. I can’t keep it away from them forever, eventually they need to learn how to manage and moderate how they use it. For now, we have told them of how damaging the searches can be and to refrain from using them at all.  

Never ever give any personal information to anyone… ever.

Old school, but duh. Just because we, as parents, have heard this over and over, does not mean our kids shouldn’t keep hearing it over and over, as well. Don’t allow strangers to follow you. Don’t engage in messages with people you don’t know. Even if they are your “age” or have similar friends. Nope.

Get a grip on LIKES and COMMENTS.

It’s so nice to be liked. I know many people who will delete a photo if it doesn’t get a certain number of likes. Which is, of course, crazy when you write it or read it, but it doesn’t feel crazy to them. It feels like what they put out to the world wasn’t validated and so they will take it back.

Hey kids and adults (and me): Post for YOU! Not for the comments. Not for the likes. Do it because you like it, because it expresses who you are. If you get one like or 1000, don’t sweat it. I’ve seen celebrity accounts that LITERALLY post a blank white post, sometimes multiple in a row or every other picture for some account aesthetic (by the way, that is the correct way to use literally). Those white posts will get hundreds of thousands of likes. Duh. Likes aren’t always a measure of good or value. Don’t worry about them.

Our family’s less social media-focused list of preparedness includes:

1. Do you keep your room clean?
2. Do you finish your homework before 8 pm every day?
3. Do you practice your instrument every day?
4. Are you playing outside every day?
5. Do you do your chores without complaining?
6. Can I leave you home alone for more than two hours?
7. Have you shown respect for curfews?
8. Are you kind to your teachers and other adults?

Basically, are you mature enough?

Because, guns!

AnnaM

I’d love to know your thoughts on social media accounts for kids. How do you decide that your child is ready to have an account?

New Mom Monday, Thirteen

If you have any kids, or know anyone with kids, or know of anyone with kids, then I think you saw this coming after my last post: I didn't really “sleep” last week. Ha!

But while my failures may be many, there is one thing I am doing right. You see, I care about my child’s future. If my daughter is going to have a good life as a wealthy socialite, she has to get good grades so she can get into a good school, start a nonprofit or cure cancer or whatever these teens are doing these days, so she can get a rich husband and take care of me. She will take me to a spa day and say my pores are looking a little lower-middle class. She loves me, it's great.

That's why I only purchase toys that stimulate her highly malleable brain.

It is of the utmost importance that I seize every opportunity to educate, to enlighten, to inspire.

Play time is a time to nurture her growing mind.

Only the best for my Winifred.

Libbie Henrie is a new mother and really smart gal. You should believe everything she writes, especially the super sarcastic parts. She lives in Arizona with her husband and newborn baby. You can read more of her musings on her blog and follow her baby wearing adventures on Instagram @sweetcheeksbabywearing

Birthday bike

This isn't one of those parenting blog posts that tell you how wise I am and what you could learn from my experience. Not this time, at least. It's also not a sponsored post showing you something awesome that I have and you should buy so that you, too, can be awesome like me. I'm sure you're already as awesome as I am. This is a blog post that asks for YOUR expertise and experience for a small problem/question I have.

This is my son, Johnny.

He is going to be 12 next week (oh how does that happen? it goes so fast, I kid you not) and he is seriously one of the greatest individuals who has ever lived. Let me paint you a quick pic of Johnny:

Every morning he is the first one awake in our house; he practices the piano, takes the dog out for potty, wakes his little brothers up. He makes his own lunch for school and often makes his 6yo brother's lunch, too. His mother is lazy, it seems. He never wants to be late for anything, but especially school, his teachers love him, he is a kind kid, he always asks if he can help me with anything. If ever I need something from the storage room, I ask Johnny and he will get it right away. He brings in the garbage cans without being asked. He loves making dinner and cookies and any food that I let him make. As I am writing this, he is on the other side of the kitchen island, peeling potatoes so he can use the spiralizer to make us fries and omelets for dinner. Johnny has his difficult moments and frustrating times, but I am quite certain he is one of the good ones and I am just lucky to have a chance to spend so much time with him during his life.

Because he is such a good and easy kid, sometimes it is easy to not worry about him. Especially during special events and celebrations. He always gets great test scores, so we expect it from him. When his brother gets a good score, we do back handsprings and bake a cake to celebrate. For Johnny's birthday next week, he has asked for new pants because his are getting too small and worn (mother of the year, anyone?), a ski helmet because his is too small, and maybe some gum would be fun, he says. So, I will get him a pack of gum at Costco and take him to buy some pants. The ski helmet can wait until next season (heaven knows his head could grow over the summer... right?).

Then this afternoon we were outside getting the bikes ready for spring riding. Johnny pulls out the bike he got for free from a neighbor and the valves on the tires are all wonky. We try to get the pump on them and the tire completely busts. Guys, this thing is kind of an old piece of junk. But Johnny loves to ride bikes so he doesn't care, so long as it rides. He asks if we can take it to the bike store to fix the tire and that he even has some money to get the repair. I tell him that I will go look online for some nearby shops and see what I can find out. But really, I think, "Johnny should have a new bike for his birthday. If anyone would take care of a bike and treat it well, it's this kid."

So for the last two hours I have been scouring articles and websites looking for a good bike that can last him a few solid years before he gets too tall and needs a new one. So it should be affordable, too, since I know it won't be his forever bike. I would love something sturdy and cool, because he's super cool. I love brands that are small and need some recognition and support. I also love if they are easy to repair and service. Because I've never bought this kid a new bike, I am at a complete loss of what to get. That's where you come in. Tell me what bike is worthy of this kid (and that I can afford--hehehehe... heh!) that you have loved/currently love. Share with us some of the lesser-known companies that need some support and eyes on them. Tag your friends who are bike gurus. Because I am sure I am not the only mom with a ridiculously good-looking and deserving kid who needs a kick-A bike.

TIA, yo.

Random Acts of Kindness

Today is National Random Act of Kindness Day, or so the National Day Alert account that I follow on Instagram tells me. It seems a bit more worthwhile of a day than celebrating National Cabbage Day, which is also today. Then again, those Cabbage Patch Kids didn't fall from the sky.

Because I like to stress myself out, I started thinking of all of the grand things I could do to celebrate Random Acts of Kindness today. I could make large poster signs and hang them all over the city. I could bake up a bunch of cookies and deliver them to all of my neighbors. Maybe I should stand at a busy street corner and hand out free hugs and suckers.

Then I remembered, I'm busy. Not in the "I'm too busy for kindness" way, but more in the "I'm busy giving random kindness to my kids and spouse in between all of the other things I do every day" way.  Maybe as a parent, we don't give ourselves enough credit for all of the times we were exceptionally kind when we could have been exceptionally justified in exasperation. Today I am going to give myself some kindness--quite randomly, since I didn't think about it until now--by realizing that I am doing a decent, maybe even a good, job at this child-raising business.

Why, just this week, I:

• Didn't lose my cool when the kids asked what was for dinner, and when I told them, they loudly moaned and said, "Not again!"
• Let my kids keep the pillow and blanket fort up in the family room one day longer than we agreed, even though it looks like a disaster.
• Took my kids skiing, and didn't yell "LIKEWISE" when the little ones berated me from their frustration by yelling (quite often), "I hate you, Mom!" I even kept my voice calm, knowing that they didn't mean it, but they don't quite possess the language skills to express frustration yet. (We had a talk about it later, don't you worry.)
• Picked up the kids' towels after the shower instead of yelling outside for them to come do it.
• Told an extra story at bedtime, even though the call of my own bed was so enticing.
• Laughed at their jokes, gave hugs when they were overreacting, expressed how much I love them, encouraged their schoolwork, patted their bums on the way to school.
• Let them make their own breakfasts. I'm also randomly teaching self-reliance!
• Shared my Valentine's candy with them. (This is huge, by the way.)
• Listened to their school stories.
• Made banana muffins.
• Said I was sorry when I did lose my cool.

I still might go and pay for someone's soda--randomly, of course--when I go get my own fill of caffeine today. But for the most part, I know random acts of kindness are happening every day. They aren't huge or celebrated or Instagram-photo-worthy, but hopefully they are helping to create better humans out of my children and a better human of me.

a

Slamming Doors

What’s with the slamming? This is how I know that I am getting old: I notice that everyone is slamming everything all the slam time. 

Our cars are no longer giant jalopies that need our force to get those doors shut. They shut pretty easily by their own design, we just need to nudge them a bit. Same goes for the little compartments in our cars—the console, the glovebox, and the little cupholders that fold away when not in use. I promise, they are meant to open and close with very little effort. You don’t need to put your weight into closing them.

The front door does not need to be slammed. "Shut the front door" is not just an idiom said to be humorous; it's also something that one can easily do, especially to keep the house free of flies and the temperature comfortable. The back door can close pretty well, too, without extra pressure. I live in a home that is nearly a century old and the doors still close without needing to be slammed.

Oh, and the bedroom doors! Don’t even shut them, kids. Unless you need a moment of privacy while you change clothes or if you are wrapping a surprise present to your mother. Otherwise, keep them open and I am telling you, if you slam your bedroom door, you will hear from me. Loudly. Until you pay for a house and all of the doors in it, you are not allowed to slam the doors. And frankly, “your” room is totally on loan. It’s my room. It’s your father’s room. It is a great space where you can have some privacy, hold your stuff, and sleep, but you don’t get carte blanche in this borrowed space. It’s not really yours, so show a little gratitude that we gave you a space and keep it clean-ish, respect the door rules, and do not roll your eyes when I walk in. 

Don’t slam the refrigerator door, either. It’s an amazing machine, the refrigerator. It keeps our food COLD. Does that even impress you as much as it impresses me? There is a giant box in our home that keeps our food at a temperature (two, sometimes three separate temperatures) so we can avoid spoilage and keep even more food at the ready to eat. It is freaking amazing. Don’t slam the amazing doors that keep so much deliciousness chilled. 

Same goes for the oven, the microwave, the dishwasher, the washer and the dryer. These are incredible machines that will be hellacious to replace if broken. Trust me when I say that you do not want to see your mother react to a broken appliance door. It’s not going to be pretty. Respect the remarkable machinery.

Stop slamming each other into the ground, on the couch, on my bed… all this wrestling is getting out of hand. I know that there is snow on the ground outside, so when I say, “Take it outside” that means you would need to put on all of your snow clothes and you don’t wanna. I get it. But please get that I don’t wanna deal with the broken home that comes when two of you get together for some slammer time. MC Slammer has left the building. Just Stop! (no slammer time)

I have an idea: go read a book! That's the only kind of slamming I don't mind—the slamming shut of a book once finished. I know how that feels good to do, whether you loved it or hated it or wish it never had ended. Slamming a good book shut is so rewarding... and relatively quiet. Sigh, if you must, or cry, if it suits you. Just go read and keep the doors open!

90's music, aka what was on the radio "ten years ago"

I was trying to come up with a rap for The Tonight Show’s Twitter hashtag game #SuperBowlRaps. I had to dig deep into my history of rap knowledge and went to where rap feels comfortable for me: The Beastie Boys. In high school, I loved the Beastie Boys. Even still when I say “The sun was beating down on my baseball hat” I enunciate “hat” with all the toughness I can muster. 

So I was sitting at my kitchen table after the boys were all in bed and muttering some lyrics when my teenage daughter called out of her room (said in the most typical teenage voice), “What are you doing?” 

“I’m just rapping.”

She came out of her room at this point, incredulously and amusingly watching me rap under my breath as I tried out some Super Bowl versions of Sabotage, No Sleep ’Til Brooklyn, and Paul Revere. 

She wasn’t that impressed. And it is my duty, as her mother, to impress her of my music and rap knowledge. I had to show her that I was not too unlike her, once upon a time. I played a few Beastie Boys songs for her on youtube, as I rapped and danced along. She thought the music videos of the 1990s were ridiculous. I told her that in the 90’s music videos were as important as the songs. Sometimes more important. 

During the next forty minutes I schooled her in some of my favorite songs of the 90’s. She told me that Pearl Jam sounded like country music and I told her that she should never say such things in my presence again. (I may have spit on the ground and turned in a circle a few times so that our home would not be cursed with such heresy.) She didn’t find Blind Melon’s No Rain video as charming as I thought it was. She liked Garbage as we discussed the coolness and vocal abilities of Shirley Manson, and we mused about Courtney Love and if Hole would have been as popular without her connection to Nirvana. 

My daughter has chatted with my husband for hours discussing classic rock—of which he is very knowledgable and a fan. This was the first time she and I have discussed “my” music for more than five minutes (she isn’t ready for 80’s synth pop). I told her that I would make her a playlist of 90’s music (do people make playlists and CDs anymore?) and as I was making it, I couldn’t believe how old some of these songs are. It’s weird, because I’m not old, but the music is. Bizarre. 

Here is my list:

No Doubt — Sunday Morning
Live — Lightening Crashes
Pearl Jam — Even Flow
Garbage — Only Happy When It Rains
Beastie Boys — Paul Revere
Hole — Celebrity Skin
Blind Melon — No Rain
The Fugees — Killing Me Softly
Weezer — The Sweater Song
Sinead O’Connor — Nothing Compares 2 U
Smashing Pumpkins — Tonight, Tonight
Alanis Morissette — Hand in My Pocket

No Britney, no Spice Girls, no Madonna or N’Sync, no Backstreet Boys, not a lot of pop songs, I know. Their music and songs are all a blur in my mind—I couldn’t tell you much more about them other than they were super popular and I heard them a lot. But the music, bands and artists on my list take me RIGHT BACK to the 1990s. Listening to those songs, I can tell you the shirts I was wearing, the Doc Martens I (wish I still) had, the boys’ names I’d write next to mine all over my folder, the JanSport backpack I wore… on one shoulder. These songs ARE the 90s for me. And the kicker is, I still like them. If my daughter were to like them, too, I’d be stoked if she played them incessantly in our family room. I don’t feel the same way about “Hit Me Baby One More Time.”

As for my #SuperBowlRap, well I started writing this instead. As far as I got in that one was:
“Super Bowl 50 I be, All by myself without nobody
Watching the game in my football hat
The food is supa hot, the tv screen is flat”

It’s so literal it hurts. Back to the music for me.

What would you add to that list? What kind of music did you listen to in high school and college? I started listening to 70’s Super Groups in college and that needs to be saved for an entirely different night talking with my teenager... and another playlist.

How To Valentine's Day Like a Boss

Let's be honest for a minute, Valentine's Day is weird. 

It is so weird. And I love holidays. I decorate, celebrate, commiserate, mediate, alleviate, try not to hate... all that. I put up the hearts, I fill the candy jars with conversation hearts, cinnamon lips, and mini sour hearts. It's always been a little uncomfortable, though, how we feel pressured to go out, buy cheesy gifts, and/or feel sorry for ourselves if we don't. When you have kids--especially those in grade school--Valentine's Day is all about making amazing cards for all their classmates, special boxes in which to hold them (our school even has a Valentine box competition!), class parties, and so much sugar that you consider banning all sweets for the next month or three.

It might be weird, but it's kind of cute for the kids. FOR THE KIDS! I have compiled a few different lists of cards, boxes, party ideas, and non-sugar-related items for your kids' best Valentine's Day ever. And if your kids are happy, YOU are happy. Especially when you have to do little work and research. It's all here.

Delicious Valentines

Love Bugs
You're All That... and a bag of chips
Funny punny sweets
All the fish in the sea
Off the hook worms

Valentine Boxes

Hot Air Balloon Box
Slam Dunk Basketball Box
Ruffled Cake Box
A great page dedicated to Valentines boxes

Valentine Parties

I know there are a lot of ideas, but THIS BINGO set is amazing. My family played it last night and everyone was having a blast. It's adorable, it's smart, it's ready to go. Huge recommend.

Check out this Valentines Pinterest page for more ideas for classroom parties.

Non-Food Valentines

Will Zoo Be Mine
Love is a Battlefield
Bouncy ball Valentines
Blow Me a Kiss Whistles

Or you can just forget all that and buy bags of M&Ms and watch a good chick flick. Yeah, do that!

Complaining about the Holiday Complainers

I can handle the strangers’ scoffs at holiday decorations at the mall and the Facebook status updates with an angry turkey threatening Santa Claus with a musket and the degrading words, “Back off, Fatty. Wait your turn.” (Which irks me only because the turkey is fat. Stop calling names, oh ye fowl ones!) I don’t even mind when my friends say the clichéd “every year the holidays start sooner and sooner!” (Which, of course they don’t, unless we are talking minutes sooner every year. Then, perhaps you’re right. I’m not that great at math, so I won't fight you.)

But, what I cannot handle, what I refuse to tolerate, is when my own flesh and blood start in on the chorus of decrying the commercialization and timing of Christmas. I blame social media. It’s an easy target people often use (SOCIAL MEDIA IS THE DEVIL!) and one I cringe at often because it is how I make a living. But, dude, put kids on social media even a little and they see that cynical and loathsome humor is celebrated. Kids who hate Mondays, hate school, hate preps, hate jocks, hate goths, hate commercialization, hate anything rather than showing the things that they actually like. These kids often have popular accounts and are showing similar sentiments to some of those feelings your own kids are having. Whatever, I get it. I try to tell my older kids that it is easy to be cynical, anyone can find something they don’t like and talk about it (oh, is that what I am doing in this article? nah.), but it is more difficult and wonderful if you can find things to revel in and enjoy.

My kids and I walked into Target before Halloween and saw that there were a few Christmas items already displayed. “Oh sick,” said one kid. Another joined in with, “Can’t they wait until after Thanksgiving? Why do they have to shove Christmas down our throats so early?” Oh man, who are these people I have raised from my very womb? So I said the kind of thing that I always say, “Don’t sweat it. If you don’t want to buy anything before Thanksgiving, then don’t. If it bothers you, walk away. Some of us like having it available this early.”

Here’s the truth of it all: I used to start listening to Christmas music on September 1st as a child. I am not exaggerating one bit. My birthday is the 31st of August. As soon as my birthday was over, it was the holidays, as far as I was concerned. And I loved Christmas music. My mother had old records of Johnny Mathis and Andy Williams and The Carpenters and I played those for months. The music made me happy and excited. I grew up near Phoenix, so it’s not like it got cold enough to justify a few songs here and there. Nope. I just loved the music. 

I would also start making Christmas gifts for my family and friends in September as well. I would make lists of ideas for gifts and start buying the supplies with my babysitting money. I freakin’ loved Christmas. I loved going to the mall just to see the windows and hear the music playing over the loud speakers. And I still do. Except now I am all about Halloween the day after my birthday and I start the Christmas music the first of November. Because I still love it. It makes me happy and dance-y and just a friendlier chick. I am listening to acoustic Christmas as I type and I feel amazing about it. Oh, and the made-for-television Christmas movies? They are so horrible and yet I love them so much. I watch about one a week starting in November. Watched one yesterday, as a matter of fact, while I folded laundry. It was heavenly, even though I figured out the entire plot line and ending in the first five minutes. There were also a massive amount of birds chirping during a few of the winter snow scenes, which only made me love the show more. 

So say what you will about Thanksgiving not getting it’s own month. I mean, who cares? I am always baffled that there has to be one or the other. I love Thanksgiving. I even decorate for it. I have one box of Thanksgiving decorations. And about fourteen boxes for Christmas. (Trees and ornaments take up a lot of storage, people!) The two holidays (and Hannukah and Kwanza and all the other end-of-year celebrations) can co-exist. As can we, the early Christmas revelers and the wait-until-after-Thanksgiving folks. If you don’t want to shop for Christmas items, walk away. If you do want to walk the aisles of ornaments and holiday cheer, come with me. Apparently I’m not teaching my kids to want to shop with me this early, anyway!

Anna

Guest post: Captain's Log

Captain’s log: What happens when Mom is left alone with three boys under six for five days. 

Three boys, one mom, five days, no dad. There are many strong humans who are used to this sort of thing and roll with the punches. For me, one soft with the presence of consistent reinforcements, it seemed like an eternity; every second brought a crumbling of my mental stature. 

While alone, I documented my condition through a series of logs shared via social media. The following is a transcript and photo-log of how I survived using the my life raft of sarcasm and my 72 hour kit of cynicism. 

Captain's log, Day 3 sans reinforcements: 

Captain can’t remember the last she changed her underwear. Found a band aid in hair this morning, not sure where it came from. Natives are growing restless, their access to sugar and screens is increasing dramatically.

Captain survives nights by watching too many episodes of Hoarders and eating unspeakable amounts of ice cream. 

Captain fears an uprising is imminent, and requests, if she perishes, to please bury her near a quiet bathroom so at least in the afterlife Captain can pee in peace.

Captain's log, day 4 sans reinforcements:

Shower managed, but at the expense of a box of Cheerios, the contents of which still remains ground into captain's new, expensive, and impulsively purchased wool area rug. 

Natives have learned 2 new swears, claiming captain yelled them at various natives throughout the day. Captain denies such claims. 

Morale is looking up as captain's extended family has sent pizza to the ship and crew and natives are now dining in peace. Captain’s motivation to cook meals is all but gone due to crushing fatigue and growing indifference to the ‘five servings of fruits and veggies a day’ rule.

Captain still seeks a quiet place to pee, as solitary urination has not yet been achieved.

Captain’s log, Day 5, help arrives:

Reinforcements have arrived, and not a moment too soon as natives had grown deaf to Captain's voice and anarchy was building. Her commands now make natives laugh and throw food. 

Order has been restored, but reinforcements may be sleeping on couch after complaining about free massage received on voyage.

Also, if reinforcements do not stop talking about luxury of 5-hour-long solo flight, Captain may be forced to feed natives diet coke and leave the house right before bedtime. 

Captain has, at last, peed alone.

"Cooking dinner with a toddler underfoot is always a blast." from Instagram @robynn.garfield

Robynn Garfield has worked as a professional writer and journalist for 10 years. Her employment adventures have included KSL.com out of Salt Lake City, freelance work for NPR and CNN, and a fruit salad of writing projects featured in published anthologies, blogs (), and angry letters to the editor. 

Robynn currently stays at home with her three young boys. She staves off insanity by reading crap on the Internet and waiting longingly by the front door every night for her husband to come home.

When you have a kid...

Last week was our semi-annual teacher-parent-student conferences at the elementary school. I have all three of my boys at the same school right now, which is pretty convenient for a lot of reasons. First meeting was with my kindergartner and his teacher: he's meeting all expectations for a five year-old. Huzzah! All of our trips to Target and the dollar store during his preschool years paid off!

Next, my sixth grader and I went upstairs to meet with his teacher. Like every year before this one, he is testing high, turning in all of his work, helpful, and the easiest kid in the class (which, I'm not going to lie, presents its own kind of problems, like, how do I help this kid learn to fail and struggle? It's an honest-to-goodness issue, but not the discussion for this post).

Last meeting of our day was with my fourth grader. His teacher was running behind in her appointments and my son and I danced in the hallways and Snapchatted to pass the time (why did it feel like we were in trouble?). Finally, we sat down with his teacher and she looked exhausted as she moderately complimented my son on a few things she felt he was doing well. And then the storm rolled in and I was told for the first time that he was in "Resource" groups that took him from running outside with his class and into extra help with math and language arts (reading comprehension). I had no idea. Also, he's not listening, apparently. His scores are low. And all that jazz. 

Which just breaks my heart. This kid of mine has had two teachers out of five who have complimented him and seen that he is a good kid who tries. I have seen him turn completely apathetic when teachers have him feeling slow or dim. This, in turn, gets him even further behind and less excited to try. 

Let me be perfectly transparent: I am not worried about this kid's intellect. He is smart in ways that his brothers are not. He is quick-witted, has excellent hand-eye coordination, and can solve puzzles faster than anyone. I have no doubt that he will be a success in whatever he chooses to do as he grows up. He is a good kid and has one of the most tender hearts of anyone I have ever met.

BUT, I am concerned that he is not going to learn how to feel success in learning. I worry that his apathy will turn to disdain. I wonder if that even when I am telling him how proud I am that he is doing his homework and learning so much, that he is hearing seven hours every day his teacher's frustration and disappointment that he is not the kind of smart that the school system deems valuable. 

How do you help your kids find success in education EVEN WHEN they are being told at school that they are unsuccessful?

Tell us below or join the conversation on Facebook.

Love you and your kids. Thanks for doing YOUR best.

Anna

Five crazy kid alarm clocks

We start school in two weeks. Over the summer some of the kids shifted into different bedrooms and how we managed school mornings last year isn't going to work this year. While we were discussing our new wake-up routines, I told the kids about the alarm clock that I had as a kid. It was a rooster playing the guitar and it sang the most annoying song over and over again until you pushed on its head. And like any millennial parent, I thought I'd see if it was on youtube to show my kids. Ten seconds later we were watching the terror of my childhood mornings:

Can you feel the emotion?

My brother had the alarm clock with a gorilla playing the drums. And my mom had a clock where a wino clown whistled at the top of the hour. That one freaked out my friends during high school movie nights. 

Apparently I don't own enough whacky clocks as an adult. But watching all of these clocks from my childhood caused my children to want a crazy alarm clock for their school mornings this year. We did a little internet searching and here are some of the whackiest and most amazing alarm clocks we found right now:

A dancing, rapping bacon alarm clock. What is not to love? (LINK)

This gun alarm clock has my little boys the most excited. You have to shoot the target to get the alarm to stop, which sounds fun to them and painful to me. (LINK)

If your kids like cars and racing, imagine how revved they would be to wake up every morning to "start your engines" and the intense sounds of race cars. I might have a heart attack, but if you've got a deep sleeper, this could be your/their answer. (LINK)

Star projection at night and eight different sound options to wake your child. I love this one, but my boys aren't buying it. I love ceiling projections. (LINK)

A cuckoo alarm clock perfect for kids. It's vintage and current and I want one for my room. (LINK)

A new alarm clock might be just what we need to get everyone up on the first day of school. And every day of school thereafter. Let's hope so, at least.

Do your kids wake up with an alarm clock or do you wake them up?