"Dad, I’m hungry"…“Hi hungry, I’m Dad."
“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
”How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.”
We have all heard the Dad Jokes but lets not have the joke be on us this Christmas! Camille here, Anna’s Assistant, with a list of great gifts for Dad, Husband, Brother, Uncle, or Grandpa! This may contain affiliate links.
Camille here, Anna’s Assistant. I went to Anna’s house the other day and her dog, Freddie, was in plaid pajamas. I about died from cuteness. Right then, I new we needed a list of Christmas gifts for our furry best friends. This may contain affiliate links.
Camille here, Anna’s Assistant. Lets be honest, this is my wishlist but If you are looking for a gift for your sister, friend, co-worker, neighbor, cousin, wife, mom, or yourself, look no further! Christmas morning heaven right here. This post may contain affiliate links.
First up, the BEST Tennies out there! They are a great running shoe and the perfect everyday shoe too! Cannot go wrong with the Classic Black and White Combo.
Second, this has been on my list for years! The Jo Malone Perfume Sampler. Jo Malone is the crème de la crème of perfume and has SO many different scents its so hard to choose. This takes all the guessing out of it! Plus, they are designed to layer to create your perfect scent, so with the sampler, you can try out several different combos before you commit!
You can never ever go wrong with a great sweatshirt.
I wear thee Ugg ones every SINGLE DAY! They are fantastic and cozy. The chestnut is my favorite.
and now they are cozy in their new sweatshirt and slippers, they need a new book to dive into!
Hydro Flasks are as big as ever and several colors to choose from for that perfect gift.
New Sunnies!
Sorel Boots. Done. These need to be in every snow lovers closet!
The best Portable Charger EVER. This charger has over 13K reviews at 4.5 STARS! Santa…I need this in my stocking!
Do you know you can have your house smell like Anthro?? Greatest smell on earth. Volcano is life.
Cute, small, Tortoise Earrings that make a big statement.
And lastly, I don’t think my list could be complete without this years top shoe! A fresh pair of Vans will never be under appreciated!
Anna and Camille here! We have asked our 10 and under crowd what their top wish list toys are and here is what we came up with! Our little kiddos would be in heaven for these toys and crafts to appear under the tree this year. This list may contain affiliate links.
Yea he is, now lets get him something good this Christmas. Camille here, Anna’s Assistant. I have compiled my favorite things I knew would be a smash on Christmas Morning for my husband! But these would work for your brother, boyfriend, husband, or coworker! This list may contain affiliate links.
This Beard kit just is so fitting, it had to be included.
Unreal amount of color options in these Beanies.
If he has been extra good or just has been begging. This Traeger Grill is probably the top gift this year and for good reason.
So many socks and they never tire of them. Stance have always been great!
Protein Powder: Probably the most practical and useful gift besides toilet paper for your man.
Portable Speakers are the GREATEST! From the pool, to the garage, to the block party…Its dang useful.
Herschel Backpacks are classic and study.
Air Pods…Do I really need to say more?
Cause we all get Hangry every now and then.
Competitive yard games!
Hoodies are an always appreciated gift over here. Adidas is the brand on his wish list this year.
Don’t miss out on this new Silcone Ring thing. We have tried a few brands and Enso has held up great!
Lets be real, I need this and I’m going to gift it so I can use it! Photo Printers for all!
Baseball Games
Camille here, Anna’s Assistant. I have compiled a few of my favorite baby toys and new Mama and Dad gifts! Hope you find something perfect for your little one! This list may contain affiliate links.
New bath toys are the best!
And a Caddy for the said bath toys and cozy towels!
We have the cutest videos of our Daughter trying out her walker for the first time. This will always be a great go to baby gift!
More of a Mom to be gift but these Heart and Oxygen Monitors are genius.
Never met a baby that doesn’t love Sophie the Giraffe.
Let them hit the things you want them to! Classic Pound and Tap toy.
What kid doesn’t want their own personal roller coaster. They look pretty fun!
Rattles are never ever going to go out of style!
I may have just added this one to relive my own childhood playing the Chatter Phone.
This Cookie Monster was dubbed the FAVORITE from my son’s first birthday! It eats cookies, talks, and it just dang cute.
Anything with the word busy, I’m sold. Busy Gears.
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom will there be enough room? A told B and B told C…Ok you get it, this one is so good I know the whole thing by heart or this modern First Year book!
Jelly Cat stuffed animals are the softest things ever. Just trust me, these are the only stuffed animals you want hanging around.
I don’t know why people think teenagers are hard to shop for. Yes, they want more expensive things than their younger counterparts. But they are also happy with one or two things, and the little kids want LOTS of things. So it’s kinda easy to shop for teens. Just get them something that makes them cozy and something that makes them feel cool. Done.
My teens wanted to help make this list, so I had them create a list. They were all too eager to do it. Win/win for them. Maybe it could help you with your teens.
Here are some things my teenagers chose…
It’s for the children!
I always think of this Simpsons video when anyone says “think of the children” or “it’s for the children.”
It just makes me laugh.
Because, when are we NOT thinking of the children? Am I right??
Anyway, we have been working hard around here compiling gift ideas for your family, friends, and yourself. We are even thinking of doing a gift list for pets. Because my husband would be stoked about getting our dog a bunch of presents. ha!
This first gift list is all about the children. A kids Christmas gift list seems superfluous… I mean don’t they already create their own wish lists for Christmas, Hanukkah, and all other holidays where gifts may be exchanged?!
My kids start making a list of presents they hope to receive and then become determined that they’ll get whatever is on that list.
Say it with me, AS IF!
As my sons and I were compiling this list, there were a lot of items I showed them that they had never considered to put on a gift list. My eight-year-old son grabbed his “birthday/Christmas wish list” and promptly scratched a few things out to add many items listed below. Because SOMETIMES (or, rather, all of the time), parents know better.
I realize this is mostly geared toward the masculine child, so we are working on a more feminine kids wish list as well. Stay tuned.
I hope you find something in this gift list for kids that will help you on your holiday shopping. Most links are on the photos and to Amazon; they may be affiliate links.
We have had the Swurfer for a couple years and EVERYONE loves it. Especially neighbors. It’s a blast if you have a tall tree or sturdy branch.
The Air Hog was one of those toys that I showed to my boys and they both immediately put it on their wish lists.
We have had this over-the-door hoop for YEARS and my sons are just starting to get into it. I hear them slamming and shooting on their hoop all times of the day. Play basketball all year long! We shoot, we score!
Marbles, roller coaster, building stuff… it’s like a big kid marble run. And it breaks back down to easily fit in a box when they aren’t using it. Save it for the grandkids… someday! ;)
This large connect four game is so cool. It’s big, it makes a statement, and it’s NOT A VIDEO GAME! Score!
Maybe it’s because I have three sons, but this looks like a HIT! And a pedal go cart is up my alley… no need to worry about batteries, gas, or anything else that will probably break within the first week!
Is it already that time of year? To send your holiday cards to family, friends, and some lady from Instagram and the Internet?
It SURE IS!
I asked my kids and husband this week if they wanted to do the holiday card wall and giveaway this season like we have done the last couple years. They were EMPHATIC with their YES! Everyone in our home—and so many that visit—LOVES seeing all of your faces and fun.
Bonus is, I still haven’t patched the wall from last year and a tape accident, so MIGHT AS WELL do it again?
Right?
For reference, this is what our walls looked like last year:
What’s in it for you?
Other than HOLIDAY CHEER? Sheesh!
JK. For one, it’s fun. Two, you could be on our Stories on @kidsaretheworst and @annaistheworst and honestly, probably @thingsaretheworst, too.
Third, I have a few companies who have expressed interest in sharing products with some of the cards sent. We will randomly select a few throughout the season and then you’ll get a message and a surprise in the mail. So, THAT’s cool. But not guaranteed.
You in?
Send your cards to:
Anna Macfarlane
1338 South Foothill Drive
#206
Salt Lake City, UT 84108
Not our home address, never you fear. And if you want to send gifts to this address, nobody is stopping you, but also I would NEVER ask for them. Ever. Probably. Mostly.
Let’s card it up!
This video of a high school homecoming assembly is enough to get me to pack up our home and move… so my kids can go to this high school. HA!
But seriously, this is so fun and LONG and I am impressed.
Do your kids dance? Band? Climb? Play sports? Instrument? Read Harry Potter??
Sometimes I look back on the @kidsaretheworst Instagram feed and chuckle. When I post three times a day and multiple (sometimes upwards of 50) times on Stories, I don't think the photos always sink in. When I go back to peruse my own feed, it can really tickle my funny bone.
Recently, I asked parents to send in photos from school. I put many of them in Stories and here are a few of my favorites.
Y'all ready for this?
It's time to get your GAME ON!
My youngest and I were perusing the aisles of Target (as we tend to do once a week or so) and as he sat in the cart, he said to me, "I'm going to close my eyes. What if you pushed the cart somewhere new and surprised me?"
Who am I to say no to such a bizarre and funny request?!
We ended up by all of the games. I typically don't stop at the games at Target because they all start running into each other and I can't remember which one a friend recommended and which one we played on vacation that was pretty dumb.
I took it to Instagram, as I sometimes do.
I asked on the Stories of @kidsaretheworst what their favorite family game is. And BOY, did I get a lot of responses. You all like to play games. I knew I loved you all.
Here are the top NINETEEN games suggested (with direct links):
Codenames
Wits and Wagers
Telestrations
Qwirkle
Blokus
Quelf
Tenzi
Bears Vs Babies
Dutch Blitz
Secret Hitler
Exploding Kittens
Cover Your Assets
Guillotine
Five Crowns
Sleeping Queens
Oregon Trail Card game
Labyrinth
Splendor
Ticket to Ride
And I was surprised at how many suggestions I got for CLASSIC games—some I would even call OLD SCHOOL:
Settlers of Catan
Bananagrams
Uno
Clue
Apples to Apples
Taboo
Monopoly Deal
Payday
Mexican Train
Life
So many games, so much less screens.
Did your favorites make the list? Which ones did I forget?
*Some of the above include affiliate links, fwiw
You can go almost anywhere online and read the TERRORS and HORRIFYING stories about kids on social media.
There is BULLYING.
And PORNOGRAPHY.
Kids are SEXTING.
Other children are talking to PREDATORS.
Guys, this is pretty scary. And very real.
It's also super sensational. Because SENSATIONAL NEWS SELLS.
Nobody clicks on an article that says, "Here are some interesting things normal kids are doing right now online."
There is no sense of URGENCY. No dramatic call to ACT.
But you can bet your bottom dollar that an article that says, "PRETEENS are in serious DANGER from a device YOU bought them!" that people would click. Often. Out of FEAR and CURIOSITY.
And yes, I am intentionally writing all of these words in all caps because I want you to FEEL it. Do you feel it?
***
Imagine you have a car. It's a couple of years old and you are just starting to get comfortable in it. Your glove box is full of all the right records, your extra pair of sunglasses, the first aid kit (finally!), and a small bag of snacks for emergencies. You have figured out the perfect distance of seat-to-driving wheel. It's just working great.
But guess what? It's super dirty. There are smashed goldfish in the cup holders, half-used water bottles under all of the seats, footprints on the backs of the seats, random papers everywhere, and the outside has dirt, dust... and is that SAP on the hood? Oh boy. What a mess.
Guess your only option is to throw the car away. Just toss it out and get a new one. Don't trade it in. Don't sell it. Just bring it to the dump and throw it out. You should be walking more, anyway. Get a bike, why dontcha?
It's dirty. And it probably needs an oil change and maybe some more wiper fluid. TOO HARD!
Throw it out and tell everyone else to start walking, too. Because WHO KNEW THAT CARS GOT DIRTY AND NEEDED WORK? No thanks, you did not sign up for that.
Is my analogy sinking in yet? Is it clear that I am equating throwing out a really great car because #dirty and #hard and #potentiallydangerousanyway with kids and social media (and YOU and social media)?
But, but, but... someone has told me some super scary stories about kids on social media. I don't even want it in my house.
I get you, girl. More than you know. Guess what else is scary? Freaking cars. They are legitimately TERRIFYING when you think about it? We are all just driving these machines around willy nilly, hoping we don't crash into each other and literally DIE. Then we let our kids drive them, too. WHAT ARE WE THINKING?
Let's all walk. Throw out the cars and walk, you guys. That's the only logical decision here.
Who is with me?
Anna, you're crazy. Cars are necessary. Smart devices and social media are not.
Sure. But maybe...
Cars were seen as a public nuisance and "epidemic disease" in the early 1900s. Many people decided that they would never adapt to cars, so they used their horse and buggies, bicycles, or walked (but guess how many pedestrians died by being hit by cars in the early 1900s?? A lot!).
From America on the Move: "In the 1910s, speeding, reckless driving, collisions, and pedestrian fatalities were new problems requiring new solutions. The first remedies comprised a social response focused on controlling and improving driver behavior."
New problems require new solutions.
Social response.
Controlling and improving behavior.
Not "THROW OUT ALL OF THE CARS AND BACK TO HORSES WITH YE."
The virtual world is a lot like the physical world. It is important to be educated and aware. To make improvements. To help our children succeed. We can prevent many accidents and collisions with proper solutions.
College admissions are looking at their applicants online. A dean of admissions at a law school told me how they look at the application, and then look online for the applicant. Too much posting, anger, bickering, cursing, drug references, partying, etc were RED FLAGS.
But guess what else was a RED FLAG?
Not having a presence at all or having a questionably small presence. Do these students not realize that networking, communication, research, and community happen online? How can they expect to know if this applicant is well-adjusted, well-intended, and well... ready for a world where people are online?
This is not always the case, but it is an interesting notion.
I've also known teenagers who hang out at certain homes to get on their "private" social media accounts because their parents won't let them have one. I have seen kids glued to their screens with no sense of the world around them.
It isn't all or nothing.
***
All of this is pointless if we are going to just hand our young children a car and say, "Good luck, little Billy. Drive safe and follow the laws of the road!" Little Billy is 11. He can barely see over the wheel. And nobody ever told him about the laws of the road.
You wouldn't do it for a car. Don't do it for a smart device or social media. Plan with your kids. Have a dialogue. Teach them the laws of the virtual road and WHY they are there. Learn the laws yourself. Check in regularly. Sign a contract. Do ALL OF THE THINGS.
This is why I wrote the Family Social Guide. It's laid out for you. It's easy... well, it's still work, but it's a lot easier.
How do you talk about bullying, harassment, predators, age requirements, privacy, pornography, depression, third-party ISPs, COPPA, positive experiences, controlling your feed, and enjoying social media in an informative, but light-hearted way?
Leave it to me. I got you covered.
But even if you don't want my guide, you still have the power to HELP YOUR KIDS SUCCEED in a virtual world. You don't have to throw it all out because it is scary. That doesn't make cars go away.
Make a plan. Start talking. Get informed.
Don't be scared. Be empowered.
Don't throw your car away. Clean it. Get some air in the tires and an oil change. And then brush up on the rules of car etiquette and safety with your kids. Same goes for social media and smart devices.
You're good to go!
(This guide is for parents and kids age 10 and up.
I am currently working on a guide for those with children under 10. But trust me when I tell you that there is a lot of content for parents in this older guide that you will want to know for yourself and to start preparing your little kids. I have conversations with my eight-year-old with some of the topics in this guide.)
If you ask most parents what they want most for their kids when they grow up, you will probably hear something like,
“I want my child to...
And ultimately, you will hear that parents want all of these things for their offspring when they are fully grown because, “I just want my child to be happy.”
I get it. Oh boy, do I get it.
You hold this tiny infant in your hands and they NEED you for everything.
For food.
For changing their diapers.
For warmth.
For burping.
For peek-a-boo marathons.
Then this baby grows into a toddler who NEEDS you for many of the same things, but also to learn how to walk, speak, sleep, play, apologize, laugh, and listen.
You know the rest. Your kid grows up and their NEED for you lessens for the physical stuff, but their NEED for the emotional stuff increases.
In understanding.
In patience.
In listening.
In refraining from screaming as you sit in the passenger seat when they are learning how to drive.
This once baby is turning into a real-life human adult and BOY HOWDY, you sure wish you did everything you could to prepare them for the “real world.” You pray that they won’t get mixed up in all of the crappy things that ruin lives. You hope they STAY AWAY from drugs.
From negative people.
From addictive substances.
From dating jerks.
From internet predators.
From vaping.
From using too much Axe body spray.
You just want them to have happy lives. You want these humans you have raised to take all that energy, time, money you have spent with them and turn it into something great. You want them to be happy.
What makes a human happy, though?
Are people who went to amazing universities and got killer jobs with the spouse and three kids the only happy ones on earth?
I don’t think so.
Because, if so, that sucks.
I know enough people to know that those things do not make one happy. That there are happy people who have all or some of those things and there are miserable people who have all of those things. I am sure that you, too, may know someone who has NONE of those things and is one of the kindest, happiest of humans you have met.
Back to my four kids. Yes, I have FOUR!
In some circles and societies, that is a crap-ton of little humans to raise. And in other circles, it’s a quaint little number. “Ahh, how cute that you only have four kids. I remember when my first ten kids were all married with at least three kids of their own and I had four children at home left to raise.”
Regardless, I look at all four of my kids and think, “Well, what can we do? How can I help you become the best version of ADULT YOU as possible?”
Here’s what I DO know after only sixteen years of this parenting gig:
Happiness is a byproduct and result of other things.
Of actions.
Of choices.
Of decisions.
If I want my kids to be happy, then they need MORE than a few random items that MY experiences have helped make me happy.
I went to college. It was great. I have gotten some good jobs and some bad jobs. I married a really rad man who luckily is more my best friend now than he was almost 19 years ago. I have four kids who are pretty freakin’ awesome.
Is that why I am happy? If my kids have the same things I have, will they then share my level of happiness?
Nah.
I don’t buy it.
I want my kids to become the greatest humans they can be. And not college nor jobs nor family can make them “happy.”
(So… what can? Get to the point, already, Anna)
That’s it. Granted each one is a pretty big ask and hope in itself.
For example, if I teach my kids to work, they will expect to add to society and not be a taker. There is nothing less attractive than entitlement and laziness. If my kids can WORK, then they will know that if they apply themselves, they will be able to provide.
If they are kind, they will treat everyone with respect. They will not post photos of strangers on “People of Walmart” or laugh at someone who is mentally ill. They will give people the benefit of the doubt and not bully or demean others who are different (or better or worse or equal). Kind people know that when they serve others, that everyone wins/everyone feels happiness. Kindness is a practice and a habit.
I could go on and on (even more than I already have). Someday I may expound on the details of each of the four things I hope to help my children learn.
So I guess I do want them to be happy. Of course, I do. But I don’t wish any prescribed future for my kids. I have NO idea what life has in store for them. I do know that if I help prepare them with tools they can control, that there will be happiness.
And I hope they live close to me. That would definitely add to my happiness.
Fine. Fine, you guys. I realize now that you all need this recipe in a more permanent space.
I can no longer screenshot it and put it on Instagram Stories. Because without fail I get someone asking for the recipe again every single day. And I understand because these cookies are the freaking best.
Now, let's be clear. I am not a chef. Or a baker/blogger/maker. I don't pretend to know all the differences in altitude or butter vs margarine (even though I am sure that butter is better in this recipe).
So if you are looking for tips like this, sorry. Wrong page.
BUT! If you want a kick-butt cookie recipe that everyone loves, HUZZAH! And you're welcome.
Let me know if you make these and how they turn out. For a Christmas Cookie Party tonight, I am adding crushed peppermint. I will let you know how it goes.
Happy Baking.
a
it's baaaaaack!
The most wonderful time of the year is here again. Time for eating and long winter naps and family and friends...
and HOLIDAY CARDS!
Last year we asked you to send us a holiday card if you had an extra lying around and OH MY GOODNESS, you made our Christmas.
Here are some of them.
Yes, I said SOME. This was one of the walls and AFTER I had started taking them down.
It was glorious.
Every time we went to my PO Box, we would come back giggling, laughing, and smiling. Cards came from all over the world. We recorded them on our Stories and showed them in our feed. It was the coolest way to connect to this community and we were able to give back to a few families that my kids chose.
This year, we want to do it again. And if the poll last week is any indication, A LOT of you want to do it, too. We have talked to a few of our favorite brands and companies and they want in on the action. There are lots of gifts to be won... but the best gift is connection, right?
So, send us your holiday card to:
Anna Macfarlane
1338 South Foothill Drive
#206
Salt Lake City, UT 84108
And because some of you will be concerned, this is not our home address. This is my business address. All is well!
Let the feast begin!
I saw that written somewhere recently. Probably on Pinterest. But I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
"Say thank you to grandma for your new toy."
"What do you say when someone gives you a sticker, Tommy?"
"What are you thankful for, Lanie?"
It's great to count our blessings, and tell people we are grateful for who they are and what they do. Sure, it's great.
I am not suggesting we get rid of words of gratitude. Never.
What if we DID put more emphasis into SHOWING gratitude and GIVING because we have been given much?
What if in addition to sitting around a table and telling people what we are thankful for, we also find something to DO? Someone to GIVE to and serve?
What if we shook someone's hand and gave them a hug (if they like hugs) in addition to saying "thanks"? Oh wait, I have a revolutionary idea: what if we WROTE IN A PHYSICAL CARD our gratitude and mailed it to someone?
I'm changing our plans for Thanksgiving (again) and finding ways to GIVE to show our THANKS. Things small and things bigger. It's not enough to just say that we are grateful.
a
When I became a mother, I remember my own mother telling me her own grown daughters were her closest friends. She said, "I don't have time to make other friends anymore."
I, of course, thought that was kind of sad. I had friends that weren't family. I had my close friends from high school and colleges, still. Some that I saw often and some that I kept in touch with over Facebook and email. I was making friends in church and in my neighborhood.
Of course, I also counted my mom and sisters as friends. Of course.
As a young mother, there are many hours where even though you are surrounded by people--the little ones you are responsible for growing into big ones--you can feel oh-so-very-much alone. The kind of loneliness that makes you weep when you finally see another adult who smiles at you. It's hard to explain if you haven't experienced it.
For the first twelve years of being a mother, I stayed at home. I was with my kids all day long and worked when they were asleep. My husband worked long hours and was generous with my need to leave the house alone as soon as he came through the door. We were both exhausted... but grateful.
Of course we were grateful. Of course.
But that doesn't change the fact that we were just plain tired.
I craved friendships. Other women and mothers to talk about our children and our level of exhaustion. Maybe just to smile and laugh and say "me too, girl. Me too."
In the last few decades, there have been many women who have filled that loneliness for me. As I have moved multiple times and changed states, cities, neighborhoods, church groups, school districts, there have been many wonderful friends to make those adjustments easier and give some variety to a sometimes monotonous life.
When I started to work outside of the home again, I noticed that it was more difficult to maintain those fellow-mother friendships. Being able to drop everything and head to the park wasn't an option anymore. And I didn't have any kids to take to the park as they were all in school. I've been at the park in the middle of the day and wondered about the lone adults, just watching everyone (my kids!) play. Yeah, I wasn't going to just head to the park without my kids.
Even a spontaneous lunch became more difficult. I often had a meeting or a lunch with a new or potential client... "but let's meet for lunch really soon."
I've had to learn to schedule! Me! Schedule!
"I can meet for lunch on Tuesday at 1 or Friday at 11. Do either of those work for you?"
And once my kids get home from school, I bust home to help with homework, music practicing, driving my kids to activities, spending some quality time. Oh yeah, and the family wants dinner, so...!
Sometimes I leave at night to spend some time with friends. But then I feel guilty. I should be with my husband. Or my kids. Or finally reading that book I need to know for work. Or, I don't know... maybe exercise???
It's weird, seeing friendships move and change without me physically moving. Friends going to concerts together. Friends traveling the world together. Friends having girls night together. Without me. Not because I couldn't, but because I haven't keep those relationships strong enough to be on the list.
Listen, I get it. I tell this shiz to my kids all the time: "You get what you give." "The more you put in, the more you'll like what you get out." "You can't expect a tree to grow without watering it." Etc etc and Zzzzzzz.
I have new work friends and relationships. I have a few friends who I am only growing closer to as we have to work harder to spend time together and serve each other. I have made a few new friends because of the new connections I have made working and not spending those hours alone at the park.
It's made me think a lot about the length of a friendship. It isn't always forever. It isn't always for a decade. Sometimes it's for a year. Or for an event. Sometimes a friendship is strongest on Facebook and Instagram. That doesn't lessen the relationship. It's just a different kind of friendship to add to your life.
Some of the friendships I have made online have been some of the realest I have ever had. There is such support and love. I have met a few of these friends in real life, and we embrace and chat as though we had been friends for decades.
Of course there are all kinds of friendships. Of course.
As I am getting older, though, I see my mom's comment differently. I serve my kids often. I tuck them in, I hold them when they are sad, I celebrate with them when they are happy. I take care of them when they are sick, I feed them, I work so they can have clothes, I help with their homework. It is true that you become closest to those whom you serve... and who you allow to serve you. My kids serve me with kisses and hugs and holding my hand.
They are becoming my best friends. The kind of friends I will have even if I move. Even if Instagram dies tomorrow. Even if they travel the world with other friends. Just like my mother is one of my best friends.
You're right, Mom. Of course you are. Of course.
a
In sixth grade I realized that I was funny.
And that nobody cared.
Our entire sixth grade class was sitting on the floor in a circle, because OBVIOUSLY that is what you do in sixth grade. You sit on floors in a circle. Bless the hearts of sixth grade teachers.
We were sitting in a circle and my teacher made some comment and I replied with some snarky comeback, but fairly under my breath. I mean, I didn’t want to get in trouble or anything.
Nobody laughed.
TWO seconds later, Nathan N said the EXACT SAME THING but louder and with that sixth-grade boy inflection. Everyone busted up laughing.
Well, I didn’t. I am pretty sure I looked right at him with a confused face, like “whoa, bro! Did you really just say what I just said?”
Here’s the thing: I don’t think people realize that they take jokes and claim them as their own. It’s happened to me and I have seen it happen so many times throughout my life, that I believe these “joke amplifiers” think that the little joke angel on their shoulder whispered it into their ears.
Some people imagine that they have an angel and a devil perched on their shoulders, telling them what to do (or not to do). Other people must think that there are joke angels, whispering funny comebacks and puns. Oftentimes, I bet you those "joke angels" are telling jokes someone else just said or some joke they saw before and now are claiming as their own. Not maliciously, mind you. Just unaware.
I wrote a joke recently with a little naked boy eating a loaf of bread. I wrote on it:
"Go to bed? I thought you said, 'Go the bread'!"
It just came to me so easily and I thought to myself, "Ha! Genius. You've done it again, Anna!"
Two separate comments mentioned that it was a line from the Simpsons. D'oh.
I'm not even sure if I saw that Simpsons episode, but I could have. We are all guilty of repurposing other people's jokes—intentionally or not. Because there isn't really such a thing as a new joke. We are all borrowing humor from everywhere and everyone. That's why we all laugh at similar things.
In fact, some of my favorite jokes are most definitely not my own. They are the quintessential "dad jokes" that I, of course, love to call "mom jokes" because duh, I'm a mom.
Here are my Top Ten Mom Jokes (for now)—feel free to use them and claim as your own, because that's what we do and that's who we are... and I'm over it, Nathan N!
And this last one is not funny, per se, but has become notorious around our house. It's impossible to say anything about "driving me nuts" without me talking about cowboy butts. Can't. Help. Myself.
Why do I tell these jokes? Who knows, but I am pretty sure Freud said it best when he explained:
What is YOUR favorite joke to tell? Best joke winner buys dinner!
a
It happens every week. Sometime once a day. Maybe more often than that.
You see someone on social media who has a "better" life than you...
and you feel worse.
Perhaps it was a post of their clean children with matching clothes and an ice cream cone that is somehow magically not all over their white shirt. You then look over at your child still wearing their pajamas with a milk stain that you're fairly certain was from yesterday's breakfast.
Maybe you saw an Instagram photo of a perfectly-styled kitchen with matching appliances, nary a dirty dish in sight. Then you look up at your tired cupboards and chipped counter tops and a sink full of spoons. How are there so many dirty spoons?
A strong, fit body; an enviable wardrobe; a family you wish you had; a dreamy vacation; a talent you don't possess; a friendship you envy... all of these things are easy to take from a simple social media SQUARE and compare to your real, filter-less life.
But seriously, YAWN, this post has been written before.
"Don't compare yourself to the little squares of others." And while you know it to be true, it is still something you struggle with. Because we ALL struggle with it. There is ALWAYS someone with BETTER SQUARES than you. Always and forever. Amen.
And oddly, that's not even what I'm writing about.
(Get on with it, then!)
Ok, I will.
I want to discuss the thoughts we have AFTER the initial comparison. The thoughts that go like this: "Yeah. But. They don't know what it's like to deal with (fill in the blank with your struggle, illness, issue)."
It's the justification that makes us feel a little better about feeling a little worse. Because while you know that the SQUARES aren't completely accurate representations of the social poster's life, you feel warranted to assume that their lives aren't as difficult as yours. Or as complicated. Or as sad/frustrating/lonely/etc.
Maybe they are not. Maybe they are. Maybe you'll never know. That's not the point.
(My goodness, woman, what IS your point then?)
I often see comments on @kidsaretheworst that quickly assume that "you don't understand what it's like with # of kids" or "try homeschooling" or "you should deal with the issues I have to deal with."
I know that they aren't necessarily writing to me. I understand that these little messages are justifications for feeling a bit better about their circumstance. It isn't about me. it's about them.
But. Hmmm...
For seven and a half years, I have been chasing a diagnosis for a mysterious illness. I have visited a hundred (minus about 92, but feels like one hundred) doctors twenty times each. I have had so many tests, prescriptions, natural remedies, prayers, books studied, articles read, oils schlepped, blessings, suggestions, diets... that I am exhausted by it all.
In fact, I don't talk about it much. Most people don't even know that 3 or 4 times a year, I don't feel safe driving, let alone talking. I slur my words, I forget large portions of thoughts, I replace words unknowingly, I can't think of common, everyday words, my arms go numb, my hands drop all of the things, I get dizzy and SO TIRED. It lasts a few weeks or a month and then it's gone. Then I am back to being me again.
I've had diagnoses, and they have been taken away. I have had long discussions with people who I trust and I have nodded when well-meaning individuals dismiss my condition and say, "Oh, that happens to me, too."
But I don't share this info lightly. In fact, I share it very rarely. It isn't something I talk about in the SQUARES of my social media accounts. I don't make a joke about kids being full of energy and then say "because I am dealing with an illness right now that makes it difficult for me to keep up with my kids. Cue sad music and now you feel bad, too!" That's not my M.O. It's not many people's M.O.
Social media can do a few things:
If an account falls into numbers 2 or 3, then you should not expect to hear about their life struggles or problems. But do not assume they do not have them. Because I will bet you one dollar bill that they most certainly do have something that they are dealing with and not sharing on their account. It isn't "hidden" to make you feel WORSE, but instead to not weigh you down with MORE struggles.
I always tell my social media clients to stick to THREE things that you offer your audience. Not because you aren't wildly more interesting than three things, but because most people cannot handle more than that. They do not want to deal with ALL of you, because they are dealing with ALL of their own life, ALL of their families' lives, ALL of their work and neighborhood lives, etc.
You're a chef? Give me food.
You're a photographer? Give me photos.
There is a place for the 80-20 rule—to make your three things 80% of what you share and sprinkle 20% "OTHER" things to keep it interesting and rounded. But keep it light.
If I sprinkled 20% of my humor pages with my mysterious illness, it would turn into an entirely new page altogether. And honestly, until this post, I have been very quiet about it as I try to navigate this type of normalcy in our lives.
You've got something that makes your life difficult. Maybe multiple things. So do I. So do the people with "perfect" SQUARES and a lot of followers.
So this post isn't about NOT comparing others' perfect squares to your real life. (Or judging a sentence with a double negative.) It's also more of a gentle reminder that EVERYONE is dealing with SOMETHING. That it isn't a race to compare. That we all wish some parts of our lives were prettier or cleaner or had more muscle.
But also, OH WELL.
Do you. Live your good life. Social media reminds me of a classic theme song from the 80s:
You take the good,
You take the bad,
You take them all,
And there you have
The Facts of Life...
(When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams, then suddenly you're finding out
the facts of life are all about you... wait, does this song even make sense??)
Take the SQUARES for what they're worth. If it makes your life better, great. If some SQUARES are making you feel worse, you have this great power to unfollow.
Then go look at your cute messy kid and the sink full of spoons and make him wash them all!
Boom. Your life is already better.
