Guest Post: Safety Third

My little family just got home from a lake day on our friends’ boat. With two toddlers, so… yeah. You can leave your congratulatory messages in the comments below.

They actually did really well, considering it was their first time. They were totally fine with zooming on the boat, and very adventurous when it came time to swim in the water. We had breakfast and lunch on the boat, with zooming, sunshine, and swimming in between. Both girls were completely wiped out by the time we left the lake.

The first thing we did was put life jackets on the girls, because we’re not dummies. They both wore them all day. But when we noticed Milly’s was so puffy she looked like she was wearing a car accident neck brace, we contemplated not zipping it all the way up, at least at first. Our friend said, “Safety first!” 

My reply? “Well, our motto is really more like ‘Safety Third.’ We usually say: Fun first, Comfort second, and somewhere after that is Safety. Probably third.”

While I was definitely trying to goad my friend into a playful argument, I also really meant it. I think safety is important, but I really don’t think it is the MOST important thing. Sometimes you get hurt while you’re doing something fun, and while it may be painful or inconvenient at the time, you end up with a great story (and possibly an interesting scar!) to tell for years to come.

That doesn’t mean that all safety precautions go out the window for the sake of fun. It’s just that when I weigh the risks versus benefits of an activity, I may put a little more emphasis on the benefits and a little less emphasis on the risks.

Milly doesn’t have to stay right by my side in a park. She needs the indepence time, my iPhone has a zoom function, and the benches at the edge of the park can be surprisingly comfy.

Milly does have to hold my hand in a parking lot. Duh.

Milly gets to ride on the ATV when we go look at our cows. But we go slow(ish), and really we’re just avoiding the uber-yucky ticks and chiggers.

Milly can talk to strangers at the bank.

Milly can ride on the back of the Walmart cart, no matter what that little seat flap in the front says.

Milly can’t jump on the couch. (Let’s be honest. I say that’s about safety, but it’s really because I want my couch to stay in decent condition.)

Milly doesn’t have to wear shoes in the yard, or sometimes not even on our country roads. Keeping Band Aid in business, singlehandedly.

Milly can climb on things that might tip over. What better way to learn about balance and risk?

Milly can play in the water when it rains so much our creek floods our road.

Milly gets to sample the driveway gravel from time to time. Hopefully one day she’ll agree with me that it is gross.

Milly gets to walk around the house with a blanket on her head. Yes, she always bumps into walls and furniture. 

Living with Safety Third as our motto isn’t always easy. I get worried, and it’s hard not to stop her from what may cause a scraped knee or stubbed toe. But like I keep saying to Milly’s various grandmas: She seems to be pretty happy, and she has yet to die or anything. So we’re going to stick with it for now.

PS: For those of you that have been worried throughout this entire post… we did keep the life jacket zipped up, all day. Feel free to breathe a sigh of relief.

Rhonda Fisher lives with her daughter and husband in the Tulsa, Oklahoma area, on a 40 acre farm filled with cows, horses, dogs, pigs, chickens, a peacock, a donkey, and a goat. Before her daughter Milly came along, Rhonda was a first grade teacher for 8 years. You can read more of her work on  http://insert-witty-blog-title-here.blogspot.com and https://www.crisispregnancyoutreach.org

When you have a kid...

Last week was our semi-annual teacher-parent-student conferences at the elementary school. I have all three of my boys at the same school right now, which is pretty convenient for a lot of reasons. First meeting was with my kindergartner and his teacher: he's meeting all expectations for a five year-old. Huzzah! All of our trips to Target and the dollar store during his preschool years paid off!

Next, my sixth grader and I went upstairs to meet with his teacher. Like every year before this one, he is testing high, turning in all of his work, helpful, and the easiest kid in the class (which, I'm not going to lie, presents its own kind of problems, like, how do I help this kid learn to fail and struggle? It's an honest-to-goodness issue, but not the discussion for this post).

Last meeting of our day was with my fourth grader. His teacher was running behind in her appointments and my son and I danced in the hallways and Snapchatted to pass the time (why did it feel like we were in trouble?). Finally, we sat down with his teacher and she looked exhausted as she moderately complimented my son on a few things she felt he was doing well. And then the storm rolled in and I was told for the first time that he was in "Resource" groups that took him from running outside with his class and into extra help with math and language arts (reading comprehension). I had no idea. Also, he's not listening, apparently. His scores are low. And all that jazz. 

Which just breaks my heart. This kid of mine has had two teachers out of five who have complimented him and seen that he is a good kid who tries. I have seen him turn completely apathetic when teachers have him feeling slow or dim. This, in turn, gets him even further behind and less excited to try. 

Let me be perfectly transparent: I am not worried about this kid's intellect. He is smart in ways that his brothers are not. He is quick-witted, has excellent hand-eye coordination, and can solve puzzles faster than anyone. I have no doubt that he will be a success in whatever he chooses to do as he grows up. He is a good kid and has one of the most tender hearts of anyone I have ever met.

BUT, I am concerned that he is not going to learn how to feel success in learning. I worry that his apathy will turn to disdain. I wonder if that even when I am telling him how proud I am that he is doing his homework and learning so much, that he is hearing seven hours every day his teacher's frustration and disappointment that he is not the kind of smart that the school system deems valuable. 

How do you help your kids find success in education EVEN WHEN they are being told at school that they are unsuccessful?

Tell us below or join the conversation on Facebook.

Love you and your kids. Thanks for doing YOUR best.

Anna

10 Tips for Surviving Your Newborn

If you are like me, you started researching (on Pinterest) everything you could about pregnancy and babies the minute you thought you might want to start trying to convince your husband it was time to maybe think about the possibility of potentially getting pregnant. And you have read all the lists of things you need for those first few weeks of adjusting to life with a newborn, including those wonderful blessed frozen postpartum pads -- those are top notch and they are the very reason I’m glad the internet was invented before I had a baby.

Now that I myself am a highly-experienced mother, I thought I’d write up some of my own tips and tricks to keep you sane during a very emotional, sometimes really awful and achingly wonderful time in a new mother’s life.

Here they are. Feel free to Pin.

1. Keep all your baby packing stuff and don't open anything quite yet. I bought too many things I thought I would need but really didn’t: a swaddler for a baby who will not stand for having her arms anywhere not above her head like a drunken sailor, pacifiers for a baby who finds the hard labor of sucking on something without the reward of food superfluous and wrong, and a set of bottles that I’m still praying someone else will be able to use to feed her one day. We’ve been able to return a lot of things we haven’t been able to use and get back some of them dollas.
    

2. If you have your baby in the hospital, take home whatever you can. Staying in the hospital is rough, but if you have awesome night nurses like I did, they will send you home with pads the size of your newborn and special underwear that is so easy to put on and take off in the middle of the night when you are peeing with a semi-sleeping baby in one arm. You will need these things.
    

3. Know where your nipples are. If you are breastfeeding, your nipples are precisely where multiple nurses and lactation consultants will shove your frail infant’s head as the two of you learn how to nurse, sometimes in the middle of the night when it is dark! And when you are both on your own at 3 am, this is where your sweet baby will bob around in frustration and then poop all over you. Be careful not to assume your nipples are somewhere else, which could be embarrassing after 20 minutes of trying to nurse in the wrong place --  they can be up high, to the side, down low, or too slow. Even if you are not breastfeeding, I think it is still valuable to know where your nipples are, so you can be more conscious of the sweet freedom you have (well, your boobs have at least) because of the miracle of formula.
    

4. Carry around a big ol' cup of water everywhere you go. Which let’s be real, is really like one or two rooms in your house, am I right? Taking care of a baby is thirsty business, and by the time you can get a drink, you will be too tired or forget, so just have your water with you at all times.
    

5. Wear a pair of those ugly fuzzy socks at night. A nice thick pair of socks will allow you to sleep anywhere without having to find a blanket, which lets you sleep an additional two minutes every time you pass out on the couch.
    

6. Sleep when the baby sleeps; cry when the baby cries. Let it all out. Way back when I first became a mom (three weeks ago), I let myself cry in the shower and that was it. It felt wrong crying in front of the baby or while I was holding her. One night after her bath, she was not happy about being cold and was doing this terrifying shrieking shiver-cry, and after I put her diaper and lotion on as fast as I could, I wrapped her in my t-shirt and just lost it for like 45 minutes, because I’m a terrible mother who lets her baby get cold. SHE LOVED IT. I have never seen her so happy and at peace as when I was bawling and telling her how sorry I was. Then she fell into a deep slumber and dreamed she was an ancient Sumerian princess who sentenced her useless servant to death for not running her bath properly. I don’t know what this means but she really is a sweet girl.
    

7. Speaking of sleep, don't Google anything unless you have had at least two hours of it. If you are really concerned about something, wait until you are rested enough to differentiate between good and bad advice on the internet and not get more anxious than you were before. Better yet, call your pediatrician’s office and avoid the internet crazies altogether.
    

8. Again with the sleep--let your "partner" sleep through the night. Listen, your “significant” other is probably going to sleep through the night anyway. You might as well get to be the martyr the next day who stayed up with the baby so he or she could get some “much needed” rest. Also, I prefer to have someone well-rested and not cranky to help me the next day than someone to sit there and watch my slow descent into another meltdown when the baby won’t go to sleep.
    

9. Laugh at your baby. Babies are little weirdos. Being able to make fun of their little comb-overs and how drunk they look after they eat are the only rewards you’re going to get for a while.
    

10. Be proud of yourself. You’re doing your best. After being pregnant for TEN months, pushing another body out of your body, then not being able to walk very comfortably for a couple of weeks while you are still healing, just attempting to keep an infant alive is more work than many people are willing to do. Instead of putting yourself down when something/everything isn’t working, learn what you can and move on.

I’m still having some trouble with breastfeeding, but when I’m an expert at that in a few weeks I’ll be sure to share what I’ve learned.

Cheers,
Libbie

Libbie Henrie is a new mother and really smart gal. You should believe everything she writes, especially the super sarcastic parts. She lives in Arizona with her husband and newborn baby. 

23 Signs Your Older Child Isn't QUITE Grown Up Yet

By Robyn Welling

From the time they're old enough to proudly call themselves a "big kid," children can't wait to be all grown up. That's why we play "store" and "house" and dress-up as young kids. It's why we claim we can't wait to move out and get a place of our own during our teen years. It's why we act like we know EVERYTHING, starting at about age 13 when we actually know nothing, until about age 28 — when we still don't know anything, but at least we realize what idiots we are.

If you have an older kid strutting around the house acting all like, You can't tell me what to do, I'm practically an ADULT! here are a few signs that, whether they feel like they're all grown up or not, they're so, so not all grown up.

23 SIGNS YOUR OLDER CHILD ISN'T QUITE ALL GROWN UP YET

1. They rely on you to unclog the toilet.

2. You still pay their cell phone bill.

3. You have to remind them to change their underwear.

4. Which you know they haven't been changing because you still do their laundry.

5. They've never experienced the joy of comparing auto insurance quotes.

6. They keep their money in a piggy bank.

7. You schedule all their doctor appointments.

8. They ask you to scratch their back at bedtime.

9. Um, they have a bedtime.

10. You're their alarm clock.

11. They brush their teeth daily, but only because you tell them to.

12. There's never anything practical on their Christmas list.

13. They assume "401k" is the name of some boy band.

14. Their description of adulthood often involves ordering pizza as often as they want.

15. They need a ride to the mall.

16. Or they drove themselves to the mall... in the car they borrowed from you.

17. And they still actually enjoy driving, because the fun hasn't been sucked out of it yet by being everyone's on-call chauffeur for 20+ years NOT THAT WE'RE SICK OF IT OR ANYTHING.

18. You can still fit the right number of candles on their birthday cake.

19. They've never voluntarily eaten a cereal with the word "bran" in the name.

20. They'll sit there and sniffle until you tell them to go blow their nose, like Kleenex is a new invention they keep forgetting about.

21. You can remember the last time you blew on their food to cool it off.

22. They mow the grass for money — unlike adults who do it, you know, because the grass is long.

23. They still want to be an adult. Actual adults already know it's way overrated.

Robyn Welling is a freelance writer and humorist at Hollow Tree Ventures, where she isn't afraid to embarrass herself—and frequently does. She's Associate Editor at Scary Mommy, and a freelance writer, editor and graphic designer for sites like NickMom, Mommy Shorts, 22 Words and The Huffington Post. She loves sarcasm, wine, beer, other bottled items, long walks on the beach, and her husband. Oh, and her five kids are okay, too. Her goals include becoming independently wealthy, followed by world domination and getting her children to clean their rooms. Until then, she'll just fold laundry and write about the shortcuts she takes on her journey to becoming a somewhat passable wife, mother, and human being; if history is any guide, she'll miss the mark entirely. You can find her avoiding responsibility on Facebook, Twitter,Instagram and Pinterest.

LINKS:

http://www.hollowtreeventures.com/
https://www.facebook.com/HollowTreeVentures
https://twitter.com/RobynHTV
https://instagram.com/robynhtv/
https://www.pinterest.com/RobynHTV/

Today on Ellen!

Our first time on Ellen. Hopefully not the last. We love our kids, but yeah, sometimes they're the worst. Thanks, Ellen!

Am I Mother Gothel?

Spoiler Alert: In the movie Tangled, Rapunzel's "mother" is actually not her real mother. She is a witch. I am so sorry to have told you anything that you didn't already know. Mother Gothel is a sarcastic, needy witch who keeps Rapunzel locked up in her tower, safe from all of the evil of the world (except from the evil of her "mother").

Ahem.

Every single time that movie has been played at our home (which I would say is more than a dozen, but less than a thousand), I have laughed at Mother Gothel. She is so funny and oddly likable. But horrible, of course. And yet understandable, in some ways. But evil, too. Super manipulative and controlling... but did I mention she is funny?

See here:

When she pulled that line while looking in the mirror, I legit laughed out loud. I know that's the point. But her song about "Mother Knows Best" is also pretty much my theme song. "Sure, go ahead and don't listen to me, but don't be surprised when YOU are wrong and I am right!" haha. ha. ha?

My favorite line of Mother Gothel's, which I feel I must have said to my kids before is, "I'm just teasing; you're adorable; I love you, darling."

I am a sarcastic mother (don't gasp. you've read my captions!). I have been known to tease my kids when they are being dramatic. And when my teasing goes too far, I quickly add, "I'm just kidding; I love you; you're my favorite!" 

I do not, on the other hand, brush my children's hair. So there is that part which makes me less like Mother Gothel. I don't brush their hair for power nor for less tangles. I mean, I've done it on occasion, but with three boys and a teenage daughter, there's not a lot of hair brushing sessions happening at our house. I also don't lock them in their rooms nor do I make them stay inside... always. I'm pretty much the opposite of a helicopter parent, even when it negatively affects my kids. Oh well, right?

While I know I am not a witch (don't tell my kids), I find it interesting that even without taking an online quiz, I can ascertain that the Disney character I am most like IS a witch. A sarcastic, all-knowing, mildly protective, fast-talking witch. And I am mostly okay with that. Halloween costume, perhaps.

How about you? This isn't a quiz, I am so sorry (no I am not), but which movie or story character are you most like as a parent?

Anna

7 Reasons to Stop Reading What You Should Stop Wearing

You know what drives me nuts?

Cowboy butts.

Kidding. (maybe)

What drives me crazy are articles that tell us, the dear readers, what we should stop wearing NOW or we will be in jeopardy of being (gasp!) unfashionable. 

"Stop wearing rompers. Unless you are a child."
"Stop wearing cargo shorts. Unless you are fishing."
"Stop wearing golf shirts. Unless you are golfing."
"Stop wearing swimsuits. Unless you are swimming."
"No more low-waisted pants. We don't want to see you pulling them up every time you sit down."
"No more high-waisted pants. We don't want to see that much denim."
"No more no-waisted pants."
"No more pants!"

You know what we should do with these articles and list (besides stop reading them)? Write better lists that tell you why you should ignore said lists. I am sure that you have reasons why we should stop reading these lists. Write them in a list and post them. DO IT. (I'm bossy, yo)

Here are my 7 Reasons Why You Should Stop Reading What You Should Stop Wearing

1. You are a grown up.

You have access to a computer or smart phone and enough education to read such an article. Don't let some intern somewhere tell you what's acceptable for you to put on your own body.

2. You don't need to spend your money.

Fast fashion is a huge global problem, and these articles and lists are fueled by a new fashion society that comes out with new "must haves" every single week of the year. Don't spend your money on things you don't love. 

3. You know what looks best on you.

I wear tight knit skirts and tees 75% of the time. Because I have learned that those look best on my body. I can't wear a lot of high-neck options, I don't look good in low-waisted jeans, I hate most shorts, flowy skirts hate me. I know this because I have tried them ON MY BODY and I don't care if someone says that tight knit skirts are over. They aren't over for me. And when they are, I'll make that decision.

4.  Fashion cycles.

I had FOUR pairs of Doc Martens in high school (well, now you know how old I am--90s forever!) and they were amazing. But once I went to college, I decided that Doc Martens were out of fashion and I (deep breaths) gave them to the thrift store. Now I am not saying that I would have worn them for the last twenty years or that we should hold onto everything, but I am saying that I WISH I HAD THEM NOW. Vintage Docs, are you kidding me? 

5. Comfort trumps fashion.

I am being dramatic, of course, but if I read ONE more article or Facebook post that says you shouldn't wear leggings, I am going to take my comfy legging-engulfed legs and kick those bad boys all over this city. High kick, high kick. Tight pants, anyone?

6. You're a decent, understanding human being.

Well, most of the time. You wear Uggs? Cool, so does my mom. I don't. WHO CARES? My mom owns (no lie) about twenty pairs of Uggs. She even wears them to church when it snows so she doesn't slip in the parking lot. When a new pair of Uggs comes out, she giddily tries them on in every color. She loves Uggs. All I can think of is the loud noise that those boots (and their copycats) make. But it doesn't bother me that my mom loves them. So, get over the fashion choices you don't like and pray that most people are as kind towards your fashion choices as you are to theirs. 

7. We don't need more noise.

Ok, the irony does not escape me that I am writing more noise. But this fashion list nonsense comes out every season, every month, week, day, hour, whatever. Right after you saved up enough money to buy that peplum dress to wear to your Homecoming dance, you can read an article that says "Stop wearing peplum!" And those of you who don't even know what peplum is are wondering if you are also behind the fashion curve. Probably. Oh well. Block out this noise.

You can make your own fashion choices. You don't need someone's list. I believe in you! Go forward and do your fashion thang.

Anna

Contributors Wanted

well, well, well. what do we have here? apparently I can't do everything all by myself. we are all surprised. in order to make this website and community as fantastic as it could be, I am looking for a few contributing writers. more specifically, I am looking for writers that fit ONE of these criteria:

• stay-at-home mother or father of two or more children who are not in school yet
• homeschooling parent
• brand-new mother and/or father
• childless and currently happy to be so
• woman hoping to have children soon
• parent of older kids
• grandparent

Writers ideally have experience writing and some social media experience. Send me an email with links to articles/posts you have written previously and a small description of the kinds of posts you'd like to write for KATW. 

Also, I'm in search of a web designer. Like legit awesome, hand-you-the-reins-and-get-shtuff-done kind of designer. Know someone? Are someone?

Email me at kidsaretheworstest@gmail.com with the subject line HEY! I wanna be a (writer/designer).

Hooray. Can't wait to hear from all of you and get this SHOW on the ROAD!

Anna

All In School, Let's Go (one)

I'm home alone. For the first time in fourteen years, I am all alone during the school hours.

My youngest turned five last December and immediately said, "When do I start school? You said I would start school when I turned five. I'm five now. When do I go to school?" I had decided that instead of sending him to preschool, we would do a daily "Mommy school" kind of preschool and then find neighborhood friends to play with for socialization. I let him know that he would be able to go to school like his older siblings when he was five. Not "turned" five, but explain that to a barely five year old.

Mommy school worked for us. He learned a lot and we had a great year exploring and playing. It was all that my mother heart needed to finish out my WAHM years. 

And now he is in kindergarten. All day, I might add. I walk him (and his brothers) to school at 8:10 in the morning, I'm back home at 8:30, say goodbye to my husband, and then...

silence.

Silence and choices.

Oh, the choices!

Do I spend the day writing? Cleaning? Organizing? Finding new work opportunities? Developing a new hobby or talent? Working on getting that elusive (to me) hot body? 

I'm not necessarily asking for advice. Because I am getting it. A lot of it. And I am already filling my own head with guilt and pressure. Suffice it to say that this feels like a completely new chapter in my motherhood. I am excited to find what it holds and what I am supposed to do with it. I am slightly worried that I have to do more than I am prepared for, but that remains to be seen. I hope my own journey helps someone out there find their own. Journey! ha, what is this, the Bachelor(ette/ in Paradise)? Amazing. 

Anything you learned in a new chapter of parenting?

Anna

Hump Day Humor

Things toddlers can do that you probably shouldn't from NickMom:

Got anything funny to share? Send it to us at kidsaretheworstest@gmail.com

Mother to Mother: Bodies

I've read a few articles lately that question current health beliefs. It's amazing to me how many things are written every single day about health and diet and what we should do with our bodies (yes, including this one--ha!). 

Scientists now claim that perhaps human bodies need more salt than health authorities have allowed. Salt is good! YEAH!

Oh, and all of those years of being told that "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" (except for that semester I spent in France), I now read that maybe, just maybe, breakfast eating might not be all its eggs are cracked up to be. Maybe. 

Also, stop exercising to lose weight. Really. It makes perfect sense. Exercise because it feels amazing. Because you want to do more. Because you need the time to clear your head. Because exercising can help manage stress. Exercise because your body needs it, but not because you think you need a "beach body" like the commercials and Instagram accounts and advertisements tell you are so imperative to happiness.

I have four kids and while my own body has been marred by their formations and debuts, I know it's the best thing I own. And more importantly, I want my children to feel the same way about their own bodies. I don't want my kids to loathe their bodies for not looking a certain way, but to eat what is good and healthy and to move and run because they can!

This video is fantastic: 

This Girl Can celebrates the women who are doing their thing no matter how they do it, how they look or even how sweaty they get. They're here to inspire us to wiggle, jiggle, move and prove that judgement is a barrier that can be overcome.#thisgirlcan

Moms, dad, daughters, sons, all y'all and me, too: we need to stop punishing our bodies. Read science and research and then make the best decisions FOR OUR BODY. Because bread is delicious. Salt is savor. Exercise makes you feel amazing. Water is life. Your body is fantastic. Love it. Work it. Own it. 

a

Five crazy kid alarm clocks

We start school in two weeks. Over the summer some of the kids shifted into different bedrooms and how we managed school mornings last year isn't going to work this year. While we were discussing our new wake-up routines, I told the kids about the alarm clock that I had as a kid. It was a rooster playing the guitar and it sang the most annoying song over and over again until you pushed on its head. And like any millennial parent, I thought I'd see if it was on youtube to show my kids. Ten seconds later we were watching the terror of my childhood mornings:

Can you feel the emotion?

My brother had the alarm clock with a gorilla playing the drums. And my mom had a clock where a wino clown whistled at the top of the hour. That one freaked out my friends during high school movie nights. 

Apparently I don't own enough whacky clocks as an adult. But watching all of these clocks from my childhood caused my children to want a crazy alarm clock for their school mornings this year. We did a little internet searching and here are some of the whackiest and most amazing alarm clocks we found right now:

A dancing, rapping bacon alarm clock. What is not to love? (LINK)

This gun alarm clock has my little boys the most excited. You have to shoot the target to get the alarm to stop, which sounds fun to them and painful to me. (LINK)

If your kids like cars and racing, imagine how revved they would be to wake up every morning to "start your engines" and the intense sounds of race cars. I might have a heart attack, but if you've got a deep sleeper, this could be your/their answer. (LINK)

Star projection at night and eight different sound options to wake your child. I love this one, but my boys aren't buying it. I love ceiling projections. (LINK)

A cuckoo alarm clock perfect for kids. It's vintage and current and I want one for my room. (LINK)

A new alarm clock might be just what we need to get everyone up on the first day of school. And every day of school thereafter. Let's hope so, at least.

Do your kids wake up with an alarm clock or do you wake them up?

"Fun" for the whole family

One of my favorite quotes from Jerry Seinfeld is:

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

If you've ever been to a kiddie theme park, a "family fun" center, or any of its ilk, you know this to be true. Sure, there may be moments that everyone is having a decently fun time, but it is rarely at the same time as  the whole family. 

Did you ever realize how hard family vacations were for your parents before becoming a parent? Did your dad's stress level at Pizza Pete's Pizza Palace make you wonder why he couldn't relax at such a fun venue? And then you go to Pizza Pete's as a parent and want to pull one hair out of your head for every second that you had to endure the place? No? Just me?

We are smack-dab in the middle of our family reunion season. It's always a conundrum to figure out ways to keep everyone entertained, from the great grandmas to the little babies (well, the mothers holding the new babies). The older generations want to sit around and chat, looking at old family albums and reminiscing about people they knew "back in the day" while the younger generations' eyes slowly glaze over. 

So you head to Pinterest for fun ideas for "the whole family" and now you're even more stressed and overwhelmed with all of the possibilities and items needed. I feel your pain.

Here. Right here is a list for you. For your family. For your reunion. For your large parties. Here it is!

1. Lip Sync Battles

Oh geez. I know. But I am telling you, even the biggest dud in the family will get in the spirit of this activity. People that are timid at first always seem to be the funniest lip sync-ers. I have been part of battles that were planned and those that were spontaneous, and both were equally enjoyable. The choreography of the planned battles sometimes bordered on professional while the last-second battles had some of the most hilariously random music choices. Either way, you need music (speaker system, especially) and a prop to serve as a microphone. That's kinda it. Maybe something to record the hilarity for future reunions.

2. Game Rounds

I've converted many self-professed "non game players" into large group game players. And while I love a good board game as much as the next person, the games listed here are basic and only a few are not played with everyday playing cards. The whole idea of game rounds is to get people moving and playing with more than one group or age. You can choose to write out the games on a large card to keep at each station that explains the rules OR put one person in charge of each station to keep the flow steady. If someone wins one to three rounds of a game, they have to move onto the next station. This usually gives those that have been "losing" a bit of an advantage, knowing the rules and getting the hang of it over a few rounds.

A. Egyptian Ratscrew
Oh, how I love this game. It takes some practice and those that seldom win call it "luck" but once you master the DOUBLES slap, you will dominate this game. There is a link in the title to playing the game, but my basic explanation is this:
FACE CARDS have value. Ace=4, King=3, Queen=2, Jack=1
Any doubles can be slapped. Ace plus Ace, three plus three, ANY double
All of the cards in a (52-card) deck are dealt out evenly among players (add extra decks for larger groups--one deck is usually good for up to five players)
Players do not look at their cards, hold them face down in a pile in hands. Person to the left of the dealer flips over their top card into central pile area in the middle of all the players. (ALL PLAYERS must flip cards away from themselves to show the card to other players before self.) Play continues clockwise.
Once face card is flipped, the next person has to play a face card. They have as many chances as the face card valued (Ace=4, King=3, Queen=2, Jack=1). The last person to play a successful face card gets the entire pile of cards. When taken, piles are always added to player's deck underneath, face-down. The winner of the pile begins the next round of play.
IF a double is played at any time, the FIRST PERSON to slap the top card gets the entire pile. They then begin the next round.
Those who run out of cards can slap it at any time to get a pile and return to play.
Winner gets all of the cards! 

B. CHEAT
We actually call this game "BS" which is short for Bologna Sandwiches, Beef Stew, Big Stinker, Bean Soup, you know. Because we play with kids. ;) This game can also have multiple decks added to play. For a full explanation, see link above.

C. PRESIDENT
This game also has a lot of names. We call it a mix of President and Scum. Loser is always Scum, even thought we love them. Full explanation in link.

D. Bananagrams
Obviously this game requires you buying the actual game, but for less than $15, you will get your money's worth. It doesn't require a ton of explaining, and it is always very telling to see what words people come up with. I have been embarrassed many times with the low-brow words that come to my mind. Link to Amazon above. 

E. Mexican Train
This might not be as easy to transition in and out of, but I have never met a group that didn't enjoy playing Mexican Train. You can find it for $14 and spend up to $75 for what I hope is partly gold. There are also a lot of different versions, so just pick one and stick to it for the evening. Dominoes for every generation. Link to amazon above.

3. Group Riddles

Everyone sits in a circle for group riddles. Or a circle-ish. This plays more like a game than a riddle, but they are also much more fun. WARNING: SPOILERS!! 

A. My Aunt Emma
The person who begins this riddle stands, dances and animatedly recites:

My Aunt Emma
She died last night
That's the way you say it
That's the way you play it
And now I'm a member. (bows)

The trick is in one particular prompt. Some of these riddles include something like clearing the throat at the beginning or crossing the arms at the end. That is all that is necessary to become a member. The person can botch the entire riddle and dance, but as long as they do the main prompt, they become a member.

B. Running With Scissors
Person in the middle of the circle says, "I am running with a pair of scissors. I drop them. Are they open or closed?" as they point to one person who must answer. If they guess correctly, they wait a few turns to make sure they understand the riddle and then they play the person in the middle. (OPEN=legs uncrossed, CLOSED=legs crossed)

C. Bang Bang Bang
Person shoots multiple people in the circle (figuratively, of course) "Bang, bang, bang, bang" and then says, "Who did I kill?" People guess and then try shooting if they think they've solved the riddle (First person to say anything after shooter asks "Who did I kill?" is the one who is dead.)

D. Polar Bears Around an Ice Hole
I swore I would never reveal the way to this riddle. See HERE for a refresher or to figure it out. Use six die, once someone figures out the riddle, the tester gives three more tests and if successful shouts, "Are there any Polar Bears here?" and all those who have taken the oath roar. Then the oath must be taken. Goes a little like this: "I, state your name, promise to never reveal the secret to Polar Bears Around an Ice Hole or may polar bears come to visit me in my sleep and gauge out my eyeballs."

E. In My World
Someone begins by saying, "In my world there are XXXXX but no XXXXX" and others add on to it.
For example, "In my world there are bunnies but no mice." (+) "In my world there is root beer but no lemonade." (+) "In my world there are bees but no flies." (+) "In my world there is water but no ice." (X this one does not pass). Do you get it? Your world can include anything with double letters. 

F. Big Blue Moon
The riddler says, "Um, ok, Big Blue Moon (noun 1) (noun 2) (noun 3)." Any noun works. The guesser must try to repeat the statement correctly. The biggest key is that they must say "Um, ok" at the beginning.

4. Taste Testing

This activity can be done blindfolded, with score cards, or just one at a time for fun. Keep a garbage bag handy just in case, but these should be foods people actually eat. They may surprise you.

Examples:

1. Chocolate pudding with Flaming Hot Cheetos (like spicy chocolate, maybe)
2. Sliced pickles with peanut butter
3. Grapes dipped in ranch dressing
4. Cheek-Its and Nutella
5. Banana and mayonnaise sandwiches
6. Koolickles (pickles soaked in Kool-Aid)
7. Anything listed on this amazing page of foods to make WITH FLAMING HOT CHEETOS

5. Kickball

Who doesn't like kickball? Everyone I know either loves playing, loves cheering, or loves watching a good game of family kickball. Maybe this is one family reunion that will actually be fun for the whole family!

You learn and you learn

I was at a youth camp last week, helping young women "learn and grow" (and yes, I intended those quotation marks every little bit). There was one day that the girls got in groups of 10-15 and walked around different ropes courses with themes and team building exercises. I was put in charge of one where eight girls had to stand inside a small roped-off area that was a "sinking ship." Somehow they had to figure out how to grab a rope suspended from two trees six feet away to get them off the ship and over shark-infested waters to a tiny marked-off "island." 

If they fell off the rope or dragged in any way, the sharks won and they would "die"... but then go back to the end of the line. In other words, just like real life. I would have four groups of girls come to my little ropes course where I would give them the rules, watch them work through it, and then guide them through discussions about what it all meant and represented.

My first group came through and it consisted mostly of the girls I knew (including my own daughter). Since it was my first group, I STUCK to the rules, I strictly left them to figure it all out, I might have even had my arms crossed while watching them struggle. I thought that was my role, I thought it was how they would learn. Then an old leader who has watched this activity hundreds of times came over and gave them big helps. 

I felt like a moron for not doing it sooner. Three out of fifteen girls got across and the discussion was lame. 

They left to their next course activity and I got my new group, where I felt much more prepared. Everyone got a shot at crossing the shark-infested waters, but some girls were unsuccessful and I let them give up super easily. I figured they at least got to try. They slunk over to the logs and sat while everyone else finished and the discussion was moderately better.

The third group of girls came and I had great passive suggestions that helped them all get across, save for a couple who tried a few times but didn't want to keep going. I get it, I thought to myself. I have strong legs, but my upper body struggles in carrying all of my weight. I didn't want them to feel self conscious, because I know that I would. The discussion was more spirited than the previous two, but still a bit stifled.

Do you see where this is going yet? 

The last group came and I was ready for it. I had all of the wonderful suggestions that I had learned from the previous groups. I had much better insight and was more aware of the girls' moods and skills. They fed off my energy and killed the whole activity that they ALL got to the island (even those with less upper-arm strength than THIS GAL), had a really inspiring conversation, and they all tried crossing again. 

It was a completely different experience than the first group. I kept thinking about the differences and what I could have done better. But, in the end I realized that I had to learn how to lead the group just as much as the groups of girls had to learn how to successfully complete the course.

Is it any surprise that with FOUR kids of my own that I kept thinking about how my four groups are like my parenting? With my first, I had it all figured out. She wouldn't ever be messy, she would always be super polite, eat all her dinner, have a bedtime, get straight As, and overall prove that I am a great leader/parent. Arms folded and everything, I would make sure she learned.

Second child, I am a little more relaxed, but still probably too hard and assuming. Third child gets a lot of love and leeway (probably too much leeway). I've learned how to accept who he is and his strengths. My last child is spirited, understood, and so far successful in all he does. He even gets chances to do more than the others ever did, because we have both learned a lot more quickly how to get through the challenges. 

It's the same song and dance I hear my parents and older siblings talk about. No matter how hard you try, the first child gets the arms-folded parent determined to prove that THEY are good parents. The baby of the family is confident because maybe his nose wasn't on the wall as often. I don't know. Sometimes I think my youngest needs his nose on the wall more often. And perhaps our generation of parenting (and the one just beginning) is so afraid of being "mean" parents that we are raising over-indulgent, over-privileged humans. How do we have fourth-group ropes-course experiences with our first kids without the brattiness? 

It's so tricky, trying to learn how to raise good humans. Who knew that our PARENTS were also LEARNING to lead while being all parent-y on us? What do you do? Any tricks for the rest of us needing a seasoned older leader who has seen this course hundred of times before?

a

KATW "Behind the Photo" Sunny D and Bird

There are some photos that make everyone smile and laugh. Alisha Greyson's daughter gave us two such photos. Luckily, Alisha is a photographer and ready to take those pictures of her daughter's craziest moments. I loved hearing her responses to these basic pictures, and I hope you do, too.

What happened to your daughter’s finger in this popular shot flipping the bird?

First of all, Savannah was in a swimsuit and it was poring rain outside. I told her multiple times that we could not go swimming, but she figured that if she kept her swimsuit on long enough she would win. It was already a "fun" morning. Then Savannah asked me for a band aid, because she wanted one. I had recently bought "Despicable Me" bandages but she really thought of them as stickers. I told her that band aids were only for ouchies but she insisted and then showed me her fake ouchie... on her middle finger. She actually kept switching between her middle fingers on both hands; she's not the best liar! The attitude in the picture came from being annoyed that I wasn't giving her a bandage right away and because I pulled out the phone to take a picture again. I'm afraid I may see that same look multiple times in her teenage years.

Tell us about the SunnyD picture.

I did not buy her Sunny D. Yhat was all her dad, so for Savvy that was a treat. Also, she is a very independent girl and feels proud when she is able to do something on her own. I was in the other room changing her baby brother's diaper. I could hear her doing something and pushing a stool around in the kitchen. A minute later when I went back into the kitchen, I found that beautiful bright mess and she just looked up at me and smiled. She said, "I spilled a little mom. But don't worry, I'm cleaning it up!" and she went back to licking it up off the counter. I was literally speechless. My counters were orange for 3 days! 

Tell us a little about your family.

I love my little family! I moved to Utah 7 years ago and I met my husband, Mike, the second day that I lived here. We dated for 2 years and were married in 2010. We had our first child, our daughter Savannah, a year later and she is now 3. When she was just a newborn I worried that the nickname "Savvy" wouldn't fit her, but it couldn't be more fitting. She likes to go by "Savvy G" but some of my family members like to just call her "Savage." They say she gets dirtier quicker than any other kid. She is the most animated and dramatic little girl you will ever meet! Then we had our son Preston who is now 18 months. He is a sweetheart who never stops eating. He is a big flirt and will call anyone mommy if it will help him get what he wants. He is now Savvy's best little buddy and follows her around everywhere and into all kinds of messes. He spends most of his time trying to play basketball like his daddy! My husband Mike works for Marriott and someday we will take advantage of his perks and we can actually travel! I am a wedding, lifestyle and family photographer and I like to sew in the very little free time we have.

What is your favorite thing to do with your kids?

I love to take my kids hiking and exploring! We try to go up into the mountains as much as possible and have picnics and pick wildflowers. We also like to binge watch Netflix together while staying in our pajamas all day long! 

What is one thing you wish you would have known before becoming a parent?

I wish I would have known how messy kids really are; not so I could have prepared, because there really is no way to prepare. I just wish I would have known so I would never have thought things like, "When I have kids they will never have a messy face!" "They will never wear their pajamas to the grocery store" "I would never let them eat something that fell on the floor!" 

What is one thing you would like all new parents to know?

Somebody once told me that whenever my kids make a crazy mess or do something they should not do, instead of getting upset right away I should take a picture instead. They said this will help me to keep calm and not be so upset, and will also allow me to laugh about some of the things they do. Kids are going to make messes and do crazy things they shouldn't. That's inevitable. We might as well laugh and enjoy it, that's one of the reasons I love KidsAreTheWorst so much!!

Thanks so much, Alisha. We all think that we won't let our kids play with our cellphones or have messy faces... until we have them and throw all of our pre-child ideas out the window.

Check out more of Alisha and her work on:
https://www.facebook.com/AlishaGregsonPhotography
http://alishagregsonphotography.com

Summer POINTS

I don't know about you, but I am getting a bit anxious for the upcoming summer break. Kids are home, days are long, and the television and personal devices are getting ready for their big season of usage. When I am "easygoing" during the summer, the kids watch and play on too many screens, eat too much junk food, and then inevitably they get cranky and fight. It's a freakin' broken record.

We have done summer fun calendars where each day we choose something fun to do together as a family after their chores are done. It works for the first few days, even a couple of weeks. But then... everyone gets tired and there's a campout or a short trip and we get off track. 

I have finally decided to take a page out of my mom's old playbook. I kinda swore I would never do it, but here I am, finally ready to do THE POINT SYSTEM. Even writing it makes me cringe a bit. Ha! But, I am determined to make it work for our family, because it was a great way to learn how to budget time, responsibility and "earn" your allowance.

What is THE POINT SYSTEM? (Sorry, but it is so legendary in our family that it feels imperative to be in all caps.) Simply, chores and work are given values (points) and you record your points when you've completed the assigned chores. OK, that didn't read so simply, so let me show you this summer's POINT SYSTEM chart for my 13yo daughter:

I then added up the amount of points that are the WEEKLY GOAL (not 100%, every job every day). For example, I don't expect my daughter to do a math sheet seven days a week during the summer, but the goal is for five days a week. Brushing her teeth, however, the goal is that she does it twice every day (shocker!). If she meets or exceeds the goal number, she gets the full amount (which we have decided is $20). And then you can see how it breaks down after that. 

Letting them "earn" their money will help in so many ways, I hope. No longer will I feel guilty when they go to the Shiver Shack to get a snow cone with some friends and I don't have a few spare dollars. If they want to go, they can use the money they earn(ed). Plus, they will have earned enough money to buy me a great birthday gift at the end of the summer. BooYAH!

I'll let you know how it goes this summer. I'm super hopeful. And I've done a lot of the work already making the POINT SYSTEM charts for each kid (my 5yo's list is a bit easier and less $ earning potential).

Wanna try it in your home? I've made a blank template that you can print out and fill out for your kid(s). If you do, let me know how it goes. Let's POINT SYSTEM all over this summer.

Right click and save the photo to print! TaDah!

It's like I always say, "Stick with what your Momma taught ya!" Sorry I doubted you, Mom. 

Best of luck this summer, parents! WE CAN DO THIS!

anna

15 Reasons Kids are the Worst

Originally posted on babycenter.com in April, 2015
written by Anna Macfarlane, kidsaretheworst.NET

15 Reasons Kids are the Worst

If you have children, you know that your love for them runs crazy deep; so deep that you could dig a tunnel to the other side of the planet and you still wouldn’t have dug as deep as your love.

Sometimes, though, those same kids can drive you to the point of madness where you want to scream, “Kids are the worst!” at the top of your lungs. But, you’re not alone and that is why you need the Instagram account @KidsAreTheWorst. You don’t need to shout or scream or even cry. These 15 kids below have done things so hilariously rotten that we all can laugh together and then look at our own children and say, “Eh, you’re not so bad today. We can do this!”

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #1

They want to take that bath…. as soon as you get them dressed in their Sunday best.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #2

They use their imaginative play to make mountains out of the laundry you just cleaned, folded, and put away.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #3

Nothing impresses them. Not even what was once your favorite day of the entire school year.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #4

HDTV is too realistic for them, so they put a filter on it.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #5

Sometimes they take personal style matters into their own hands. (Anyone else think this girl was hoping to be like Rapunzel and see her hair turn brown?)

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #6

They are either professional tasters or professional wasters. Jury is still out.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #7

They amaze you with their uncanny ability to make a mess in seconds. Holy Sheets!

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #8

You never get to sleep in anymore. And your alarm clock stinks.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #9

They booby trap your bathroom and find reasons not to brush their teeth. All in one gesture.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #10

Their skin is softer than yours. Also, where did all of your petroleum jelly go?

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #11

They throw fits in the worst possible aisle of the store. Don’t they realize that anyone in this section is already a bit upset? Maybe they sense it.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #12

They remind you of that woman you used to work with that was always anxious about deadlines. Oh yeah, and they make messes of your best lipstick!

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #13

There is no secret hiding spot for you. They will always find you.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #14

Gifts are always interesting from your kids. Often honest and sometimes sweet, some kids are lucky that they aren’t old enough to spell yet, or you might get a little offended.

Why Kids Are the Worst, Reason #15

They need lots of bandages for their pretend owies. Seriously, they can’t even.

Dear Children,

Laughing with you is so much more fun than crying. Someday you will understand when your kids throw the same tantrums, make similar messes and unintentionally offend that stranger in the grocery store, too, and we will be their grandparents that know how to laugh at it all. Hopefully you will laugh at your kids, too. Because, kids are the worst. Once in a while.

Love,
Your Parents

Hospital Room Mother's Day

I rarely feel guilt as a mother. I’m confident that I am not totally screwing up in helping these four humans become self-sufficient members of society. But when Mother’s Day rolls around, all of the guilt I could have felt during the rest of the year hits me in one gigantic ball of “you’re not good enough” guilt. I also feel guilt for not loving Mother’s Day when there are so many women who would like to be mothers, miss their mothers, or miss the children who made them mothers. It’s a complicated day. 

Today, though, I sit in a hospital room waiting for my child to return from surgery. It’s nothing too serious; he broke his femur last year and they want to take the plate and 12 screws out so his bone can continue to grow and reduce his risk of breakage at the growth plates. But its a weird thing, sitting in a hospital room doing nothing but writing on your laptop while your child is being cut open and worked on. 

I can hear the cries of children in neighboring rooms. Some cries sound awfully young and others sound like they are in awful pain. I wonder what they’re here for, and my heart aches for them, but also for their parents. Watching your kids go through pain (physical and emotional) is so much more difficult than going through your own pain. That’s what you cannot understand until you have had children. Until you have raised little human beings, you think that you know empathy, but it is so much heavier than you knew possible. 

When my son first broke his femur, I had just returned home from a long trip with the youth from my church and was unpacking WHILE trying to pack for our family summer vacation we were to be leaving for the next day. I heard cries coming from the backyard and when I saw him clutching his leg on the trampoline, I said the same thing that I had said every other time someone got hurt on the trampoline, “You’re fine. Just hop off and go chill out somewhere.” At this point, you might be thinking what a wonderful mother I am. Where is my Mother of the Year trophy?

It gets worse. 

He was still crying and clutching at his quad—he was not going to move on his own. So, I grabbed him and carried him over to a patio chair. Are you cringing yet? Yeah, I know. This is one of those “maybe you should feel more guilt on days other than Mother’s Day” moments. “Dude, you’re fine. Just breathe,” I said. He tries, but the deep breath sends a shock of pain to his leg.

My husband and I look at each other and know that we have to take him to the hospital. Every slight bump or turn in the car and my little boy lets out a small shriek. I am realizing the severity of the situation every minute that we get closer to the hospital. His cries are now sending little jabs into my mothering heart. After we are admitted to the ER (and I get the first few of many disapproving head shakes reserved for those who own a trampoline), my son lies on the hospital bed and lets out the most pathetic sounds. I try to give him kisses and hold his hand, but he pleads that I don’t touch him. “Can someone give him something for the pain?” I ask anyone who walks by our room. 

I have turned into the Mama Bear. Just one hour before I was questioning his pain level and now I am demanding to get some professional attention to my poor baby. He’s a little guy and fairly quiet, so to hear him crying in such agony was wrenching my heart. Finally we are told that he has broken his femur and will be admitted. The break will require surgery. Because he had eaten dinner shortly before jumping on the trampoline, they wouldn’t be able to begin his surgery for hours, which turned into the following morning. All evening, they gave him doses of medicine, but he continued to feel a lot of discomfort. As soon as he would start drifting to sleep, his muscle would spasm and he would shriek at the pain. This went on all night. He went into surgery in the morning and the surgeon told us that it was significantly worse than the single fracture they had thought. He had three separate fractures going every which way on his femur, and she could not say enough about how much pain he must have felt. 

My small eight-year-old boy got smaller in the following months as he wasn’t able to play, swim, or participate in most of the summer activities. The first two weeks of the third grade, he pushed around a walker and wore a big brace that we called his “bionic leg.” He smiled when people brought him treats, but silent tears rolled down his face when we went to family and neighborhood parties. 

The subsequent doctor and physical therapy visits were taxing, but mostly because we saw so many children with issues MUCH more difficult than my son’s. My heart broke for these kids and their parents, grateful for the patient nurses and doctors, for the hospital and all those who contributed to it. Life can be sincerely difficult, and a messy room, a broken tv, or a ruined tube of lipstick all seem wonderful and fun when you put them on the scale of human experience. 

Today the anesthesiologist asked my son what flavor of sleep gas he wanted. After considering it for a few seconds, he asked if they had “glazed donut” flavor. The doctors and nurses all laughed and mused about such a great idea for a flavor of medicine. One of the residents, looking over the medical chart, said, “It’s so nice to have a healthy kid,” mostly to himself, but I couldn’t agree more. 

It is SO nice to have a healthy kid. Being a parent can be frustrating and trying and exhausting, but it is the best thing I have ever done. Mind you, I have done a lot of amazing and fantastic things in my life. I have travelled, worked, created, taught, accomplished, and continue to do these things. But having a kid (four of them!) has by far been the best thing I have chosen to do. I understand that some people do not wish to have children and I don’t think anyone SHOULD have kids if they don’t want them (plug for the gift of ADOPTION). But if they don’t want to have children because they don’t want anyone accidentally breaking the television, waking them up early Saturday morning or spilling cereal on the carpet, then they are MISSING OUT! 

Mother’s Day is a tricky day, to be sure, but somehow it’s got to stop being about comparing what kind of mother you are, were, or want to be and what kind of mother you had. It’s got to stop being about the brunch and what presents you give and get. This year, Mother’s Day for me is right now, sitting in this empty hospital room, realizing the gratitude I have for the chance at being a mother. It is thinking about the hugs my children give me that sincerely feel like they are filled with healing powers. It is reminiscing about my mother sitting in her chair with her needlepoint project and grateful that she made the choice to have me. 

My kids may never say cheesy sentiments about me being their angel mother (I’m looking at you, Abraham Lincoln) or send me to a spa while they clean the house and make my favorite dessert. That’s okay by me. I’m just glad I get to be an imperfect mother of imperfect kids in an imperfect life that I love. 

Happy Mother’s Day, imperfect people.

A note to our kids

I've mentioned before that I have four kids, who are all brilliant and funny and good. Of course sometimes they are super stinkers, because they are kids... because they are HUMANS. The first few months after I created the @kidsaretheworst accounts, my kids seemed fairly offended when I mentioned it.

"You think we are the worst?" they would ask. 

And I would respond with, "Of course. Once in a while. But you're also the best a lot of the time, so I wouldn't sweat it." Sometimes I would even explain how hyperbole works and they seemed to be temporarily placated. 

Now they laugh at all of the pictures and the whole idea of KATW. Chalk it up to maturity, time, or boredom, they don't even really care anymore that I refer to their peers as "the worst" on a daily. My 5yo will look at some of my papers or work and say, "Oh is this for 'kids are the worst'?" Sometimes he looks through my pictures and tells me exactly WHO should be on the account. It's really kind of funny. He has become unfazed. Which is true to most of my antics, really. My kids think all mothers sing and dance ridiculously in the middle of Trader Joe's when Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" comes on. I mean, "I wanna feel the heat with somebody" are some majorly under-appreciated lyrics.

I digress. Like always. What I wanted to post is a little letter to those kids who might be struggling with the idea of an account called "KIDS are the WORST" that their parents follow, submit to and laugh with.

Dear Children,

Laughing with you is so much more fun than crying. Someday you will understand when your kids throw the same tantrums, make similar messes, and unintentionally offend that stranger in the grocery store, too. We will be their grandparents who will continue to laugh at the maniacal situation that is parenthood and at them. Hopefully, you will laugh at your kids, too. Because, kids are the worst. Once in a while.

Love,

Your Parents

KATW "Behind the Photo" Peanut

Some photos on KidsAreTheWorst tickle our funny bones more than others. There are some photos that I am sent that make me laugh immediately and I know that I have to post and share them right away. What is the story behind these photos? Who are these kids and who are their parents? I asked Amy Holmes (@amyedenholmes) to be my first KATW Behind the Photo interview because this photo has been one of my favorites and has become a bit of a viral sensation since it was posted.

Tell us a little about the Instagram photo. Where did you find the peanut costume?

I originally purchased the peanut costume (from Amazon) for my daughter’s first Halloween in 2009.  It has been a staple in our “make believe box” ever since, along with my son’s sexy fireman and skeevy cop get-ups.  

My daughter (5 years old in the picture) has always marched to the beat of her own drum (don’t most kids, though?). And for the past few years, she’s been adamant about choosing her own clothes.  A game-changing moment for us (and by “us,” I mean me) was when she exclaimed, “God made YOU to be fancy, He didn’t make ME to be fancy mom!” (I was asking her to wear a sundress to a nice family dinner. You would’ve thought by her flare for the dramatic, I was dressing her up for one of those shameful Toddler & Tiaras pageants.) I realized in the moment that, A. I didn’t have the energy to be the fashion police, and more importantly, B. kids' hearts are so fragile. I just want her to have a happy childhood; and if that means she walks around in a peanut costume, then so be it.  

And the sign on her back, .I just thought it was funny.  It was more of a “shout-out” to all the other moms at Target.

Tell us a little about your family.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have three kids, ages 6, 3, and 11 months. I drive a mini-van. I homeschool my kids. We are entirely boring. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What is your favorite thing to do with your kids?

I love snuggling on the couch and watching TV, mostly because they're quiet and I get to rest for a minute.  My kids talk incessantly, and it’s fun (except for all those new Pokemon sounds my daughter is making.  Those are annoying.).  I’m constantly documenting our conversations in my Notes app because I’m terrified that I’m going to forget all the funny things they say. I love the quiet moments. It gives me time to soak in life. 

What is one thing you wish you would have known before becoming a parent?

I wish I had known that the miracle of childbirth was going to leave me unable to jump rope without wetting myself. I would’ve done more kegel exercises. For sure. Also, baby boys and boners.  I wasn’t expecting that.  

What is one thing you would like all new parents to know?

You’re not cool anymore. Being a parent is inherently uncool. Accept it and move on. While those beautiful new Tory Burch boots and that Suburban may be earning you some high style-points, everyone knows that you’re scraping baby poop out of your nails and sucking like the dickens on that ingenious little NoseFrida Snotsucker just like all the other parents. So go ahead and buy your kids the tacky character bedding and stop worrying about what people think of you.

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Thanks so much Amy. Keep up on those kegels, Moms and Moms-to-be. And, while I never had a NoseFrida Snotsucker, I do know a bit about being uncool. 

Is there a picture on KidsAreTheWorst that you would like to know more about? Which is your favorite? Have you let your kids wear something in public that you wish you would have accompanied with a "Don't Judge My Mom. I Dress Myself" sign?

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